Post by Hobbit-eyes on Oct 7, 2005 18:00:11 GMT -5
I might not keep this bit. But I just enjoyed writing it, cos it was a little crazee.
The three of them left the shop with a large bag of sweets. They found Cephalonius sitting outside reading the headlines on the newspaper rack. When they said hello to him, he looked up, took one look at James and made a noise of contempt.
“Hey kitty kitty,” said James.
“I already treat you with disdain,” said Cephalonius in a bored voice, “I’d leave it at that.”
“Whoa, hostile. Did someone cut off your supply of catnip?”
Cephalonius’s eyes narrowed. “I only had that once. Now, shall we go?”
“Yes, let’s,” said the wizard hurriedly, and Alex thought she saw him glance over his shoulder down the street behind them, “James, where are you parked?”
“Just round the corner.”
The four of them headed down the street – slightly faster than they had down to the shop, Alex noticed. Nervously, she reached into her pocket and grabbed hold of the pencil. Was it her imagination, or was it a bit warmer than it had been before?
The wizard was deep in conversation with Cephalonius, so she reluctantly turned to James. “Hey,” she said, holding out the pencil, “Does this feel warm to you?”
James reached out towards it. As he did, the pencil suddenly shot away from his hand over Alex’s right shoulder, almost strangling her. James raised an eyebrow.
“O… K…” said James, “Weird joke, but if it makes you laugh-”
“Sorry,” said Alex, the pencil finally stopping struggling and pulling her arm all over the place so that she could return it to her pocket and rub her neck, “It does that – it’s a bit shy, I think. Or over protective.”
James shrugged. “Fair enough. Why do you ask?”
“Well, I think it gets warmer when Mr Brown gets closer.”
“Who?”
“Mr Brown.” James shook his head – the name meant nothing to him. “The man who’s trying to get the pencil.”
James’s eyebrows disappeared under his fringe. “Mr Brown, huh?”
“Yeah. Why? What’s his real name?”
“No-one knows. I’m just surprised he chose such an innocuous name to tell you.”
“What do know him as?”
“Well, usually That Evil Bastard works out fine. Means uncle knows who I’m talking about. Watch.” He turned to the wizard and called, “Hey! Alex thinks That Evil Bastard is close by.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be at all surprised,” said the wizard mildly, “That’s why we’re going into hiding, after all.”
They rounded the corner into the car park. “Hang on a tick,” said James suddenly, “Alex, I need to borrow you.”
“What?”
“Let me carry you, and just go along with whatever I say. Look really pathetic.”
Alex looked at the wizard in disbelief. He shrugged at her. Cephalonius sighed and turned away. “Why?” she asked.
“Ask no questions and you can’t give excuses to get out of it. Don’t make me disable you for real.”
Before Alex could argue, or give some vague semblance of arguing, James suddenly swept her off her feet and strode away across the car park with her in his arms. “What are we doing?” she demanded.
“Shhh,” said James, “Remember, look pathetic.”
Alex tried to see where they were going. There was a Volkswagen van with a parking attendant next to it, who was looking at the licence plate and writing it down. Alex saw James set his face into one of dismay, and run towards the van. “Officer!” he yelled as he came closer, “I’m so sorry-”
“Is this your van?” asked the parking attendant sternly.
“Yes, it is. And you’ve probably noticed the lack of ticket. Well – I’m sorry, but you haven’t seen a wheelchair anywhere, have you?”
The parking attendant frowned, and looked at Alex, comprehension dawning. James shook his head sadly. “Some kids stole hers. We just stopped here because she needed the bathroom – she’s had a bit of bladder trouble since the accident that crippled her – and when we came out, it was gone! Some people. I’m so sorry I didn’t buy a ticket, but we really weren’t expecting to be here more than a minute or two – we can’t buy much, you see, since our parents died and left us with their debts – but, what with hardly any money, we had to try and find the wheelchair. It’s not like we can get one on the NHS because we’re not registered, being immigrants – we were forced to leave our native land when the mob turned against Dad for sheltering the daughter of their enemies. I mean, I know she was marked for death, but she was only six! But we couldn’t find it, so I’ll have to quit my job at McDonalds to look after her – maybe I can sell naked pictures of myself again to try to afford food…”
The parking attendant seemed stunned by this sudden speech of woe. “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you sonny?” they said sardonically.
James shook his head, and Alex was astonished to see real tears in his eyes. “No, I didn’t. No-one ever believes us. The social security people didn’t when I asked for a place at the local school for our eight brothers and sisters… don’t worry, I’ll try and find something to pay you, could you just take Alex?”
The parking attendant looked slightly horrified. “What?”
“Can you just hold Alex? I’ll need to dig deep in my pockets.” James held out Alex. The parking attendant hesitantly reached out to take her.
Just when Alex was halfway between the two, she felt James suddenly let her go, and she fell and yelled as she hit the ground. “Oh no!” screamed James, falling to his knees next to her, “Oh no, Alex, are you OK? Did you break anything? You know your bones are fragile…”
“It hurts,” moaned Alex, and winced as she reached towards her stomach. “Oh God, James, I think the baby’s coming!”
“Oh NO!” cried James, “But it’s too soon! And you can’t have the kid, we’ll be kicked out of the flat! You know Big Dave doesn’t let babies into his business, says it scares the druggies away…”
The parking attendant didn’t quite seem to know how to react. People were starting to stare, so he knelt down next to Alex as well. “I’m sorry, I thought I had you – are you all right?”
“I think so,” moaned Alex, “I just – NO DON’T TOUCH MY LEG!” she screamed suddenly.
“Don’t touch her leg!” yelled James.
“What? I didn’t think I-”
“Please,” said James, grabbing the front of the parking attendant’s jacket, “Go and get help. I’ve already lost one sister this way, I can’t lose another! Little Janey was only twelve!”
The parking attendant got uneasily to his feet. “You’re not making all this up to get out of a ticket, are you?”
Alex screamed loudly. “No!” said James, “Look, you can charge me for the fine, I don’t care! I just can’t bury another sister this year, I’m not strong enough! Please, go!”
The parking attendant muttered something and ran off. As soon as he was gone, James patted Alex on the shoulder. “Brilliant performance, I must say. Labour? Never thought of that before.”
Alex shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot of hospital dramas. But I’d prefer it if you warned me before you dropped me next time.”
James shrugged.
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just get a parking ticket?”
“Eh. Guess so. Wait, stay sitting down-” James grabbed his camera and snapped a picture of Alex sitting on the ground. “Cheers.” He helped her up.
“Success?” asked the wizard, walking over with Cephalonius at his heels.
“Oh yes,” said James with a grin.
“They could still trace the licence plate to you,” pointed out Alex.
“No he can’t,” said James, holding up a little black book. Alex stared.
“You took-”
“Borrowed,” corrected James, “For a little alteration.” He flicked through the pages. “Ah, here we are! Just a few alterations of the licence plate number…”
He pulled out a tiny toy fox from his pocket. Holding it in his hand, he ran a finger over the licence plate number. Alex saw it glow in the same way as the wizard’s hand had – not with light, but with something else – and the licence number had changed, but still appeared to be written in the same handwriting.
James noticed her staring. “The story was never supposed to convince him,” he explained, “Just to let me get close enough to steal - borrow this without him noticing. Success!”
Cephalonius groaned. “Oh, for pity’s sake. Waste of magic.”
“Fun though,” grinned James, tossing the notebook to one side. “Now – all aboard.”
It was only then that Alex looked properly at the van. It was a traditional sixties VW van – but looked as though it was twice as old. It was dented, scratched and looked as though it had been hit a fair few times. A few glimpses of the original black and red paintjob could be seen, but the outside was covered with paintings of different styles, and through the pictures Alex could see the windows were hung with black and red curtains. The back was plastered with bumper stickers saying such things as, ‘DON’T SPREAD JAM ON DUCKS’ and ‘AGE, CATAMITE – FAC MIHI HUNC DIEM FELICISSIMUM’.
The three of them left the shop with a large bag of sweets. They found Cephalonius sitting outside reading the headlines on the newspaper rack. When they said hello to him, he looked up, took one look at James and made a noise of contempt.
“Hey kitty kitty,” said James.
“I already treat you with disdain,” said Cephalonius in a bored voice, “I’d leave it at that.”
“Whoa, hostile. Did someone cut off your supply of catnip?”
Cephalonius’s eyes narrowed. “I only had that once. Now, shall we go?”
“Yes, let’s,” said the wizard hurriedly, and Alex thought she saw him glance over his shoulder down the street behind them, “James, where are you parked?”
“Just round the corner.”
The four of them headed down the street – slightly faster than they had down to the shop, Alex noticed. Nervously, she reached into her pocket and grabbed hold of the pencil. Was it her imagination, or was it a bit warmer than it had been before?
The wizard was deep in conversation with Cephalonius, so she reluctantly turned to James. “Hey,” she said, holding out the pencil, “Does this feel warm to you?”
James reached out towards it. As he did, the pencil suddenly shot away from his hand over Alex’s right shoulder, almost strangling her. James raised an eyebrow.
“O… K…” said James, “Weird joke, but if it makes you laugh-”
“Sorry,” said Alex, the pencil finally stopping struggling and pulling her arm all over the place so that she could return it to her pocket and rub her neck, “It does that – it’s a bit shy, I think. Or over protective.”
James shrugged. “Fair enough. Why do you ask?”
“Well, I think it gets warmer when Mr Brown gets closer.”
“Who?”
“Mr Brown.” James shook his head – the name meant nothing to him. “The man who’s trying to get the pencil.”
James’s eyebrows disappeared under his fringe. “Mr Brown, huh?”
“Yeah. Why? What’s his real name?”
“No-one knows. I’m just surprised he chose such an innocuous name to tell you.”
“What do know him as?”
“Well, usually That Evil Bastard works out fine. Means uncle knows who I’m talking about. Watch.” He turned to the wizard and called, “Hey! Alex thinks That Evil Bastard is close by.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be at all surprised,” said the wizard mildly, “That’s why we’re going into hiding, after all.”
They rounded the corner into the car park. “Hang on a tick,” said James suddenly, “Alex, I need to borrow you.”
“What?”
“Let me carry you, and just go along with whatever I say. Look really pathetic.”
Alex looked at the wizard in disbelief. He shrugged at her. Cephalonius sighed and turned away. “Why?” she asked.
“Ask no questions and you can’t give excuses to get out of it. Don’t make me disable you for real.”
Before Alex could argue, or give some vague semblance of arguing, James suddenly swept her off her feet and strode away across the car park with her in his arms. “What are we doing?” she demanded.
“Shhh,” said James, “Remember, look pathetic.”
Alex tried to see where they were going. There was a Volkswagen van with a parking attendant next to it, who was looking at the licence plate and writing it down. Alex saw James set his face into one of dismay, and run towards the van. “Officer!” he yelled as he came closer, “I’m so sorry-”
“Is this your van?” asked the parking attendant sternly.
“Yes, it is. And you’ve probably noticed the lack of ticket. Well – I’m sorry, but you haven’t seen a wheelchair anywhere, have you?”
The parking attendant frowned, and looked at Alex, comprehension dawning. James shook his head sadly. “Some kids stole hers. We just stopped here because she needed the bathroom – she’s had a bit of bladder trouble since the accident that crippled her – and when we came out, it was gone! Some people. I’m so sorry I didn’t buy a ticket, but we really weren’t expecting to be here more than a minute or two – we can’t buy much, you see, since our parents died and left us with their debts – but, what with hardly any money, we had to try and find the wheelchair. It’s not like we can get one on the NHS because we’re not registered, being immigrants – we were forced to leave our native land when the mob turned against Dad for sheltering the daughter of their enemies. I mean, I know she was marked for death, but she was only six! But we couldn’t find it, so I’ll have to quit my job at McDonalds to look after her – maybe I can sell naked pictures of myself again to try to afford food…”
The parking attendant seemed stunned by this sudden speech of woe. “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you sonny?” they said sardonically.
James shook his head, and Alex was astonished to see real tears in his eyes. “No, I didn’t. No-one ever believes us. The social security people didn’t when I asked for a place at the local school for our eight brothers and sisters… don’t worry, I’ll try and find something to pay you, could you just take Alex?”
The parking attendant looked slightly horrified. “What?”
“Can you just hold Alex? I’ll need to dig deep in my pockets.” James held out Alex. The parking attendant hesitantly reached out to take her.
Just when Alex was halfway between the two, she felt James suddenly let her go, and she fell and yelled as she hit the ground. “Oh no!” screamed James, falling to his knees next to her, “Oh no, Alex, are you OK? Did you break anything? You know your bones are fragile…”
“It hurts,” moaned Alex, and winced as she reached towards her stomach. “Oh God, James, I think the baby’s coming!”
“Oh NO!” cried James, “But it’s too soon! And you can’t have the kid, we’ll be kicked out of the flat! You know Big Dave doesn’t let babies into his business, says it scares the druggies away…”
The parking attendant didn’t quite seem to know how to react. People were starting to stare, so he knelt down next to Alex as well. “I’m sorry, I thought I had you – are you all right?”
“I think so,” moaned Alex, “I just – NO DON’T TOUCH MY LEG!” she screamed suddenly.
“Don’t touch her leg!” yelled James.
“What? I didn’t think I-”
“Please,” said James, grabbing the front of the parking attendant’s jacket, “Go and get help. I’ve already lost one sister this way, I can’t lose another! Little Janey was only twelve!”
The parking attendant got uneasily to his feet. “You’re not making all this up to get out of a ticket, are you?”
Alex screamed loudly. “No!” said James, “Look, you can charge me for the fine, I don’t care! I just can’t bury another sister this year, I’m not strong enough! Please, go!”
The parking attendant muttered something and ran off. As soon as he was gone, James patted Alex on the shoulder. “Brilliant performance, I must say. Labour? Never thought of that before.”
Alex shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot of hospital dramas. But I’d prefer it if you warned me before you dropped me next time.”
James shrugged.
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just get a parking ticket?”
“Eh. Guess so. Wait, stay sitting down-” James grabbed his camera and snapped a picture of Alex sitting on the ground. “Cheers.” He helped her up.
“Success?” asked the wizard, walking over with Cephalonius at his heels.
“Oh yes,” said James with a grin.
“They could still trace the licence plate to you,” pointed out Alex.
“No he can’t,” said James, holding up a little black book. Alex stared.
“You took-”
“Borrowed,” corrected James, “For a little alteration.” He flicked through the pages. “Ah, here we are! Just a few alterations of the licence plate number…”
He pulled out a tiny toy fox from his pocket. Holding it in his hand, he ran a finger over the licence plate number. Alex saw it glow in the same way as the wizard’s hand had – not with light, but with something else – and the licence number had changed, but still appeared to be written in the same handwriting.
James noticed her staring. “The story was never supposed to convince him,” he explained, “Just to let me get close enough to steal - borrow this without him noticing. Success!”
Cephalonius groaned. “Oh, for pity’s sake. Waste of magic.”
“Fun though,” grinned James, tossing the notebook to one side. “Now – all aboard.”
It was only then that Alex looked properly at the van. It was a traditional sixties VW van – but looked as though it was twice as old. It was dented, scratched and looked as though it had been hit a fair few times. A few glimpses of the original black and red paintjob could be seen, but the outside was covered with paintings of different styles, and through the pictures Alex could see the windows were hung with black and red curtains. The back was plastered with bumper stickers saying such things as, ‘DON’T SPREAD JAM ON DUCKS’ and ‘AGE, CATAMITE – FAC MIHI HUNC DIEM FELICISSIMUM’.