Post by Hobbit-eyes on Oct 1, 2005 16:25:26 GMT -5
While depressed, I knew the only thing that would snap me out of it was writing something utterly random. So I did.
And here it is - the first part of Cheese the Heroic Hedgehog.
There was once a hedgehog named Cheese. He was named thus because his mother had an extremely strange sense of humour.
But little did Cheese know that he was destined to save the world.
Cheese was one day walking to the bakery to get something with coconut on it when he met a wizard.
“Hello there,” said Cheese.
“Aren’t you a hedgehog?” quoth the wizard in surprise.
“Why, yes, I am,” said Cheese, “Aren’t you a wizard?”
“Touche,” quoth the wizard.
“I believe that’s supposed to have an accent.”
And thus the wizard said something extremely un-wizard-like, and Cheese did blink in surprise.
“I say,” said Cheese, “That was extremely un-wizard-like.”
“So sue me,” snapped the wizard.
“Very well. Will £2,000,000 settle it?”
“I was joking!”
“Really? You sounded extremely irritable. Normally jokers are happy. Except for the Joker in Batman of course, but-”
“LO!” proclaimed a nearby princess.
And Cheese and the wizard did turn and stare, for twas not every day a princess appeared out of thin air. “Low what?” inquired Cheese.
“LO!” repeated the princess, “And thus, verily, the Fates did proclaim, one day thou shalt see a Wizard and Hedgehog discussing Batman in front of a bakery. And then thou shalt know that the day of Reckoning is almost upon thee! Take heed, and follow the hedgehog, for his is the Path of Destiny! LO! LO!”
And thus the hedgehog and the wizard did stare. And the wizard did quoth “Right”, but elongating the word so that it seemed to have almost five syllables.
“My path is a what now?” asked Cheese politely.
“Thou art the destined saviour of Mankind!” cried the princess in abject joy and joyful abject, “Thou willst save us all from the Utter Utmost Evil!”
“What’s joyful abject?” said Cheese, abandoning politeness in favour of bewilderment.
“I think you’re missing the important question here,” quoth the wizard, “What is the Utter Utmost Evil? And how come I don’t know about it?? I’M the random wizard!”
And thus Cheese shrugged. “Maybe you missed the newsletter.”
The princess did draw herself up to full height and point accusingly. “Thou dost not KNOW the UTTER UTMOST EVIL???”
“Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” said Cheese, “Well, not exactly. No.”
“Do YOU?” asked the wizard.
And thus the princess did draw herself up to fuller height, and proclaim loudly, “NO.”
“Well,” quoth the wizard, “Do not throw the first stone.”
“What,” asked the princess, “is THAT supposed to mean?”
“It means let us do it,” said Cheese. And thus Cheese to did throw a stone at the princess, and she did swear in a most uncouth way.
And Cheese did raise his eyebrows. “’Tis a rude day, alack.”
“I did mean it metaphorically,” quoth the wizard.
“Oh, I knew that.”
“OW,” stated the princess, clutching her head, and did then add thoughtfully, “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.”
And here it is - the first part of Cheese the Heroic Hedgehog.
There was once a hedgehog named Cheese. He was named thus because his mother had an extremely strange sense of humour.
But little did Cheese know that he was destined to save the world.
Cheese was one day walking to the bakery to get something with coconut on it when he met a wizard.
“Hello there,” said Cheese.
“Aren’t you a hedgehog?” quoth the wizard in surprise.
“Why, yes, I am,” said Cheese, “Aren’t you a wizard?”
“Touche,” quoth the wizard.
“I believe that’s supposed to have an accent.”
And thus the wizard said something extremely un-wizard-like, and Cheese did blink in surprise.
“I say,” said Cheese, “That was extremely un-wizard-like.”
“So sue me,” snapped the wizard.
“Very well. Will £2,000,000 settle it?”
“I was joking!”
“Really? You sounded extremely irritable. Normally jokers are happy. Except for the Joker in Batman of course, but-”
“LO!” proclaimed a nearby princess.
And Cheese and the wizard did turn and stare, for twas not every day a princess appeared out of thin air. “Low what?” inquired Cheese.
“LO!” repeated the princess, “And thus, verily, the Fates did proclaim, one day thou shalt see a Wizard and Hedgehog discussing Batman in front of a bakery. And then thou shalt know that the day of Reckoning is almost upon thee! Take heed, and follow the hedgehog, for his is the Path of Destiny! LO! LO!”
And thus the hedgehog and the wizard did stare. And the wizard did quoth “Right”, but elongating the word so that it seemed to have almost five syllables.
“My path is a what now?” asked Cheese politely.
“Thou art the destined saviour of Mankind!” cried the princess in abject joy and joyful abject, “Thou willst save us all from the Utter Utmost Evil!”
“What’s joyful abject?” said Cheese, abandoning politeness in favour of bewilderment.
“I think you’re missing the important question here,” quoth the wizard, “What is the Utter Utmost Evil? And how come I don’t know about it?? I’M the random wizard!”
And thus Cheese shrugged. “Maybe you missed the newsletter.”
The princess did draw herself up to full height and point accusingly. “Thou dost not KNOW the UTTER UTMOST EVIL???”
“Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” said Cheese, “Well, not exactly. No.”
“Do YOU?” asked the wizard.
And thus the princess did draw herself up to fuller height, and proclaim loudly, “NO.”
“Well,” quoth the wizard, “Do not throw the first stone.”
“What,” asked the princess, “is THAT supposed to mean?”
“It means let us do it,” said Cheese. And thus Cheese to did throw a stone at the princess, and she did swear in a most uncouth way.
And Cheese did raise his eyebrows. “’Tis a rude day, alack.”
“I did mean it metaphorically,” quoth the wizard.
“Oh, I knew that.”
“OW,” stated the princess, clutching her head, and did then add thoughtfully, “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.”