Shadows on the Cave Wall

[Hobbit-eyes]

Before I post this, I want to get several things clear.

1. This is the absolute first draft. It is quite possibly crap. But I wanted to get some feedback.

2. This is the prequel to nearly all my stories. WHERE IT ALL BEGINS...

3. It takes a long time to get going. Patience, my young apprentice.

4. I really care about this story, and will be spending quite some time on it, so updates will be few and far between.

5. Advice is glomped and huggled.

OK, there we are... now, we can let it begin.


Edit - OK, there is more to make clear. This segment of the story is unfinished. I have rewritten the beginning, so now it starts on PAGE 19. There is also another beginning on PAGE 15, because that was another alternate beginning. You can skip straight there, or start reading here and get some informative albeit incomplete backstory as to what happened previously, and then PAGE 15 to find out WTF happened in the cave.

Shadows on the Cave Wall

In the middle of a vast ocean there are three islands, named Niria, Hespera and Fallamor. There may be more islands over the seas, but no-one has gone to look.

Fallamor is a country torn apart by civil war. Every day there are more attacks, more disappearances, more battles between rebel groups and the struggling government. On some nights, Nirian civilians gather on the coast and watch the fires on the distant shores. No-one can remember how the fighting started – some people say they know, but they only repeat what their grandparents told them and none of them really know.

In Fallamor, there is a tiny village nestled in the hills. There is nothing particularly remarkable about it, but the people who live there like it enough. So when rebels fleeing the King’s soldiers chose to halt their escape there and turn to face the pursuing army, destroying more than half of it in the ensuing battle, most were more than slightly annoyed. The remaining group were devastated.

Eight of this remaining group were at that irresponsible age where one forgets everything one has learnt as a child but is yet to learn everything necessary to be an adult. They, like their village, were entirely unremarkable – so far. But things change.

Their names, in no particular order, were David, Seth, Jack, Emily, Carys, Claire, Thomas and Sean.

[Hobbit-eyes]

The rebels arrived just as the sun began to sink below the horizon. Sean saw them coming down the street, and immediately knew who they were. There were few other travelling groups so large, nor so heavily armed, though travellers rarely made journeys without some kind of weapon in those troubled times. But they’d obviously been in a fight of some kind; some of them were wounded, and were looking up at the houses with relief tinged with suspicion.

Sean’s face broke into a smile. There he had been thinking today would be a waste of time. He swiftly turned on his heel and ran to Jack’s house. He burst in without bothering to knock, the door slamming off the wall, and yelled up the stairs, “Jack! Jack, get down here!”

“What?” came the confused reply.

“Rebels!”

There was a yell of surprise from upstairs and a thud as Jack fell into something. Sean sighed and shook his head in despair. “I’ll be down in a minute!” Jack called.

“Hurry up!” Sean leant back against the doorpost and let his eyes wander while he waited. They fell on the small girl sitting in the corner, knees drawn up to her chin, a sheaf of paper resting on them. She was almost completely hidden by a veil of black hair. “Hello Emily,” he said with a grin, “How are the ghoulies and beasties today?”

Emily looked at him from under her hair. “You’re making fun of me again.”

Sean shrugged and looked back up the stairs as Jack came pounding down them, pulling on his cloak as he came, his hair messy.

“What was that about rebels?”

“They’re here,” said Sean eagerly, “Loads of them. I just saw them coming up the street.”

Jack grinned as widely as Sean. “Mother Earth and all her wacky nephews! What are they doing here? Do you think there’s been a battle?”

“You can ask them yourself, they look as though they want to stop here.”

“You coming to look, Emily?” Jack asked his little sister. She didn’t reply. “Everyone else will be there. Come on.”

Emily silently laid down her paper and got slowly and resignedly to her feet, and followed them out the door.

“She’s strange,” muttered Sean as they entered the street.

“And you’re not?” laughed Jack.

“Yeah, but I’m strange in a good way.”



Carys saw them coming too. She had been looking out of her window at the sky, when she caught sight of movement on the road below. She saw a small crowd of people making their way through the outskirts of the village, and frowned, trying to think of what they could doing there.

She was answered as she caught sight of a dark blur on the horizon behind them. As the crowd came nearer to the centre of the village, and she could make out the distinctive armour of the Rebels, she could also see that the dark blur was a vast group of people, stretching beyond the horizon, and also marching straight towards the village.

“Ohh dear,” she said, “Oh dear oh dear - Anna!”

“What?”

“Are there supposed to be rebels coming towards the village with the King’s army following?”

“Er – no…”

“Oh. Anna?”

“Yes?”

“Rebels are coming towards the village.”

“With the King’s army following?”

“How did you know?”



As Sean, Jack and Emily were making their way towards the main road to watch the rebels arrive, Anna and Carys ran to the village leader’s house. His son David let them in. His friend Thomas got to his feet when they entered, frowning when he saw their stricken faces. “What’s going on?” asked David worriedly, “We heard there was something going on-”

“The rebels,” panted Anna, “They’ve just arrived at the village. And, by the looks of it, the entire army’s followed them here.”

“Probably not the entire army,” reasoned Carys as David swore, “Most probably have better things to be doing. But a fair few.”

David didn’t seem to be reassured. But if Thomas found the news shocking, his face didn’t show it. “How far away are the soldiers?” he asked.

“Only a few miles. They’ll be here in… two hours, maybe three if they’ve been walking a long time,” said Anna.

“Two and a half,” said Carys.

David looked at Thomas, who said, “Tell your dad. Where’s Alex?”

“I don’t know,” said David exasperatedly, “I think he might have gone for a walk – he’ll turn up sooner or later. He always does.”



As Jack and Sean raced through the backstreets to catch a glimpse of some real-life heroes, Emily hurried after them reluctantly. But she caught sight of a figure crouching down on a street they passed, examining something at the side of the road, and stopped, letting her brother and his friend run on. She watched him for a moment and walked towards him. As she got closer, he looked up, dark hair falling over his eyes.

“Hello Emily,” said Alex.

“Hello,” said Emily, her first smile of the day appearing on her face.

“How are you today?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Same as always.” His eyes returned to what he had been examining. She followed his gaze. It was a dead bird, its wings splayed out and eyes filmy, its neck at an unnatural angle.

“It flew into a window,” said Alex without any expression in his voice.

“Poor thing,” said Emily, sitting down next to him.

“It happens,” shrugged Alex, “Not much we can do about it, except not have glass in windows. And they’d die anyway.”

“I know.” They both looked at the dead bird for a while. “Sean says that some rebels have arrived at the village.”

“Really?” said Alex, “Well, that’ll be interesting. Suppose we’d better go see, hadn’t we?”

He got to his feet, and Emily followed. They walked slowly towards the main square.

“Did he say why they were here?” asked Alex.

“No. I think he said they might be looking for somewhere to stay.” A strange smile appeared on Alex’s face. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” said Alex, “But there’s going to be trouble.”

[goblingirl]

Apprentice? Are you referring to gio?

It's not crap. It's too short, but I know the agony of trying to write good, long pieces of an uncooperative, or indeed cooperative story, so I won't complain TOO much.

Seth is.....odd. He's a bit like Tom Riddle at that age, only worse. (This is not a bad thing) However, I may end up wanting to slap him, especially if he encourages Emily to get worse. Look, I have an inkling of what happens to them, (thank you!!), but I can still bemoan characters changing in ways that irritate me. And Emily irritates me. She's not young/old enough to be evil!

Have Jack and Emily fallen out over something, or are they just not close?

Summary: OMG OMG IT'S SO GREAT!!!, but I suggest you do a bit of characterisation next update. It may only be one, but doing a chapter from one or two people's POV might a) help readers and b) help you.

[Hobbit-eyes]

I just felt like adding an Obi-Wan comment...

I know this bit's short, but it seemed like a good bit to post. There's more coming.

And I think you've hit the nail on the head with Seth, 'cept he's not obsessed with himself like Tom Riddle. But he's not a bad person, he's just a little... odd.

How does Emily irritate you?? And she's not evil yet!! And she and Jack have just always been distant... they never fell out, but they never really connected.

It'll be more from individual character's POV later on. This was just the opening to introduce them all - kind of the opening montage... and I wanted people to form their own opinions first.

[goblingirl]

Yes (and this is complaining about characters as I would do of a film, not a criticism of your writing), but she SMACKS of evil, or potential uber-creepiness if she doesn't change.

[Hobbit-eyes]

Hmmmm. Must work on that. But of course, at this stage you're not supposed to know some are going to turn evil. She's supposed to be a little unnerving, but harmless.

[goblingirl]

*slaps self* Must stop asking for spoilers..

[Hobbit-eyes]

Well, I just gave you barrel-loads of spoilers on msn, enjoy!

[Hobbit-eyes]

Here's a bit more.... evenings free of both homework AND writer's block are fuuuun!

David ran to the Thatchers’ house, where he knew his father had been going that morning. If he knew him well, he would have ended up staying longer than he intended, so he’d probably still be there. Thomas, Carys and Anna were close behind, not speaking.

They reached the small cottage, and the sounds of an argument reached them through the thick wooden door, punctuated by David’s father’s calm, reasoning voice. David waited for a slightly quieter moment, and then knocked on the door. The raised voices inside immediately fell quiet, and after a second, the door opened, revealing a crotchety looking old woman.

“What do you – oh. David,” she said, a smile immediately appearing, “Are you looking for your father?”

“Yes – I’m terribly sorry to disturb you, but-”

“Oh, it’s no problem, dear,” said the old woman with a smile, patting his head and trying to usher him inside, calling behind her, “Bill! Put the kettle back on, David’s here too! And also…” She turned back to the others standing just behind him. She looked at them blankly for a moment. “Uh, David’s friends!”

“No, thank you, we’re not stopping long,” said Anna quickly, “David just needed to tell his dad something.”

“What is it?” asked Mr Jacobs, David’s father, coming out of the back of the room looking worried, “Has something happened?”

“Rebels,” said David, “Here, in the village. And-” He glanced at the Thatchers and lowered his voice. “- it looks like half the King’s army has followed them here.”

David knew that this was bad, but the expression on his father’s face scared him. He had never seen his father so worried. He leaned back into the room and said, “Mr Thatcher, I’m going to have to sort out your feud with Mr Jones and his goats some other time. Thank you for the tea, Mrs Thatcher. Lead the way,” he added to his son, closing the door behind him.

“They’re my goats, that’s the problem!” they heard Mr Thatcher roaring as they headed off down the street.

“How many are there?” asked Mr Jacobs as he switched from a walk to a jog, and the others tried to keep up.

“What, rebels or soldiers?” asked David, “It was Carys who saw them, she said about fifty rebels, maybe a hundred – and goodness knows how many soldiers…”

“A lot,” said Carys, “I could see them, there were a lot.”

Mr Jacobs nodded, looking distracted. “I’ll have to go meet them… see if we can’t sort something out.”

“Do you think you can persuade them to leave?” said Anna anxiously.

“Perhaps…” But he didn’t look certain as he said it.

He seemed to be thinking hard about something, so they didn’t ask any more questions. They hurried up the main street towards the central square, and soon saw they weren’t the only ones in the village with that intention. People were coming out of houses and hurrying towards the centre of the village. Those who stayed in their houses were leaning out of windows to call people going past, or slamming them closed and locking their doors.

“Funny thing, curiosity,” observed Thomas, “It takes most people a LOT of alcohol to make them forget common sense, but just a little curiosity can make you ignore it completely.”

“It also killed our neighbour’s cat,” said Anna.

“My point exactly.”

[Hobbit-eyes]

I wasn't going to post this bit till tomorrow, but Thea is very persuasive.... if I stay online much longer, I'll end up posting the next bit too...

They reached the square. Quite a crowd had already formed so they couldn’t see into the centre. Some were armed, and nearly all were talking quietly to each other with dark expressions on the faces. They automatically parted to let Mr Jacobs through, and David, Thomas, Anna and Carys crept through after him.

The rebels were just arriving. From close up, Carys could see there were about thirty of them. They looked exhausted and hunted, but there was no weariness in their eyes, which met everyone’s gaze as they strode into the centre of the square, ignoring the small crowd which followed them and closed up the gap in the ring of villagers surrounding them. They reached the exact centre of the circle and dropped their packs – some injured were lowered to the ground by those carrying them – but all kept their weapons close at hand.

“I thought there was more than that?” whispered Anna, frowning.

“They were quite far away,” admitted Carys, “I couldn’t really tell.”

Mr Jacobs stepped forward, and Mrs Jacobs hurried around the circle to join him, looking as worried as he had looked a moment ago. Now, however, Mr Jacobs’s face was calm and expressionless – his ‘business’ face.

“You’re rebels,” he said.

One of the rebels strode out from the centre of the group, a sword unsheathed in his hand but hanging loose at his side. His hair straggled around his shoulders, and his scraggy beard looked unintentional. He had a similar expression on his face to Mr Jacobs. “Gee,” he said dryly, “How long did it take you to work that out?”

“What are you doing here?” asked Mr Jacobs.

“First things first. I’m Robert, I’m in charge of this lot.” Robert held out his hand, which Mr Jacobs accepted and shook. “We’re trying to get to a place in the mountains, but some of us are wounded,” he continued, “We hit a bit of trouble. Yours is the first village we’ve come across out here. Don’t worry, we just need some help, some supplies, and then we’ll be gone.”

“Normally I would consider this, but you have half the King’s army following you.”

“We had noticed.”

“You should know better than anyone what happens to villages who help rebels,” warned Mr Jacobs.

“And you should know what happens to villages who refuse,” countered Robert.

“What does happen?” muttered Carys.

“I’m guessing nothing good,” whispered Anna.

Mr Jacobs didn’t reply, but observed the band of rebels. He didn’t say anything, but David saw his eyes linger on the injured soldiers, the unprepared weapons, and then take in the formation of the group, looking to see what their intentions were. He frowned slightly. They weren’t prepared in any way to defend themselves should the town fight back, let alone make them take them in by force. “You don’t do this much, do you?” he said finally.

“We prefer not to,” said Robert, “We’re fighting for you, remember?”

“But you haven’t given us any reason to help you.”

“So I suppose you’re just going to throw us out?” The man looked frustrated, but not surprised. “Shove us back onto the road, and wait for the soldiers to catch up with us and hunt us down like dogs?”

“No,” said Mr Jacobs calmly, “I’m just going to need a reason.”

Jack and Sean were watching from the other side of the square. “Look at them,” Sean was muttering excitedly, “Their swords, their armour… That man over there – how do you think he lost his arm? Do you think it was hacked off all at once, or just wounded but got infected?”

“Sometimes I worry about you,” muttered Jack.

“I’m just wondering!”

Robert looked thoughtful. “A reason?” he said, “As you can see by the look of us, we ain’t got much to barter with, and we ain’t planning on staying long enough to contribute with farm work and the like. But we need help. These men here have been fighting to make this country a better place, and some of them could die if they don’t get help. If you help us, you’ll be doing a good thing - and hopefully that still holds up as a good reason in this age.”

“Nope,” muttered Alex.

Mr Jacobs said regretfully, “I wish that were a good enough reason. But I don’t think the King’s army would be so understanding. And we just can’t afford to bring that kind of trouble down on us. These are hard times; we need trade from the government. We can maybe give you some supplies, but we can’t help you.”

Robert looked Mr Jacobs in the eye for a long moment. Then he sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his thick hair. “Well,” he said, “Ain’t that a shame.”

David stepped up next to his father, touching Thomas on the shoulder as he did so. Thomas took Anna’s and Carys’s arms and pulled them quietly back into the crowd.

“Stay close,” muttered Alex in Emily’s ear, “I think we’re going to have some trouble after all.”

“There’s nothing we can do,” repeated Mr Jacobs, “We’re sorry, but we daren’t-”

“Daren’t?!” laughed Robert suddenly, making Carys jump, “Too right you daren’t. The country is rotten! It’s rotten at its core, and it’s festering! We’re the only ones who dare to do something about it, but when we need help from those still hiding in their villages, we get turned away. Is that right?”

“Now calm down,” said Mr Jacobs, raising his hands as if talking to a wild horse, “As I said, we can give you food, medical supplies…”

“And tell the soldiers that we stole them from you?” said Robert, laughing bitterly, “That’s mighty generous of you. What times we live in.” He sighed again in regret and looked at his feet. A masked young man behind him shifted slightly. “Luckily,” he said heavily, “even in these times, there’s still a rock-solid persuasive technique that, I find, never fails. The reason you should help us is if you don’t…” He looked up at Mr Jacobs, a strange smile on his face. “…we’ll kill every last man of you.”

Suddenly armed packs of rebels emerged from all of the streets surrounding the squares, all with bows and arrows trained on the villagers. There were even some on the rooftops. Each of their faces was expressionless. A sudden unnatural silence fell on the square.

“Oh,” said Carys into the silence, “There are the others.”

[goblingirl]

*claps hands* I love it. But how can Sean side with the rebels!?

[Hobbit-eyes]

*shrugs*

Sean sees that they're just trying to make things better. WE might not think they're going the right way about it, but he thinks at least they're doing something.

[goblingirl]

Huh.

Anyways.......is there more?

[Hobbit-eyes]

Erm... yes.... technically...

[goblingirl]

Technically?