Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 2, 2004 20:07:45 GMT -5
This was an early fic. It's not particularly well-written, it doesn't make much sense, and it's rather awkward, but I love the idea for reasons I can't comprehend. I was sad when the FF.netness of doom demolished it's existence.
Interviewer: So Bill, you traveled with the Fellowship, correct?
Bill: Yes, I did, for a limited time.
Interviewer: So you know a lot about the members, am I right?
Bill: Yes I do.
Interviewer: What can you tell us?
Bill: Well, Tolkien omitted the REAL information. Sugar coated it, really. He had his favorite characters, too.
Tolkien fans in the crowd: Boo! Hiss!!! Liar! LIAR!
Interviewer: What do you mean?
Bill: Well, take the Dwarves for example. There are described as short, stout, stubborn, and indeed they are. But they are also described as to keep to themselves, locked up in their mountains, and are generally good people. They are quite the opposite of that! They're closer to orcs, really. Dwarves go around with their axes, terrorizing the populace, throwing Raves and wild parties, killing anything in sight- you know, the works.
Interviewer: So Tolkien stretches the truth, you're saying.
Bill: In a manner of speaking, yes.
Tolkien fans in the Crowd: Liar!!! BOO!!!!
Interviewer: Well, I believe we have someone to discuss this with us. Ladies and gentleman, Gimli the Dwarf, member of the Fellowship of the Ring!
Crowd: Yeah! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Interviewer: Stop that! This isn't Jerry Springer!!!
Crowd: ... Yay!
Interviewer: *rolls eyes* So Gimli, what do you have to say about Bill's comment?
Gimli: Are you freaking nuts? It's a PONY!! What're you paying him, a bag of oats and a carrot?
Bill: A few apples, too.
Interviewer: So you disagree with him?
Gimli: Well DUH! We never really saw him after Moria, so what does he know, anyway?
Bill: What DON'T I know? You have no clue about what I've seen and not seen. And I know I've seen YOU-
Gimli: Arg! *Raises axe and lunges towards Bill, but cameramen drag him away*
Gimli: *being pulled offstage* I'll get you, you stupid pony! Just you wait!
*awkward pause*
Interviewer: Sooooo… What else can you tell us Mr. Pony?
Bill: Lessee. The Hobbits in the book are fairly close to how they are in reality. They're a little more stupid maybe, but they can't help that.
Pippin: *rushing onstage* Now see here...!
Bill: Did I mention that they're really hot headed?
Merry, Frodo, Sam, and the rest of the Shire: *charge onstage and attack Bill*
*scene of unimaginable violence*
*static*
Deep voice: Ladies and Gentlemen: I regret to inform you that due to two mad men destroying our equip- I mean, erm, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, this show has been taken off the air. Forever. Thank you!
*Legolas and Aragorn stand and look at satisfaction at the carnage of ruined recording equipment*
Legolas: Well, that ought to take care of it. Good job, my friend.
Aragorn: You too, buddy!
Interviewer: So Bill, you traveled with the Fellowship, correct?
Bill: Yes, I did, for a limited time.
Interviewer: So you know a lot about the members, am I right?
Bill: Yes I do.
Interviewer: What can you tell us?
Bill: Well, Tolkien omitted the REAL information. Sugar coated it, really. He had his favorite characters, too.
Tolkien fans in the crowd: Boo! Hiss!!! Liar! LIAR!
Interviewer: What do you mean?
Bill: Well, take the Dwarves for example. There are described as short, stout, stubborn, and indeed they are. But they are also described as to keep to themselves, locked up in their mountains, and are generally good people. They are quite the opposite of that! They're closer to orcs, really. Dwarves go around with their axes, terrorizing the populace, throwing Raves and wild parties, killing anything in sight- you know, the works.
Interviewer: So Tolkien stretches the truth, you're saying.
Bill: In a manner of speaking, yes.
Tolkien fans in the Crowd: Liar!!! BOO!!!!
Interviewer: Well, I believe we have someone to discuss this with us. Ladies and gentleman, Gimli the Dwarf, member of the Fellowship of the Ring!
Crowd: Yeah! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Interviewer: Stop that! This isn't Jerry Springer!!!
Crowd: ... Yay!
Interviewer: *rolls eyes* So Gimli, what do you have to say about Bill's comment?
Gimli: Are you freaking nuts? It's a PONY!! What're you paying him, a bag of oats and a carrot?
Bill: A few apples, too.
Interviewer: So you disagree with him?
Gimli: Well DUH! We never really saw him after Moria, so what does he know, anyway?
Bill: What DON'T I know? You have no clue about what I've seen and not seen. And I know I've seen YOU-
Gimli: Arg! *Raises axe and lunges towards Bill, but cameramen drag him away*
Gimli: *being pulled offstage* I'll get you, you stupid pony! Just you wait!
*awkward pause*
Interviewer: Sooooo… What else can you tell us Mr. Pony?
Bill: Lessee. The Hobbits in the book are fairly close to how they are in reality. They're a little more stupid maybe, but they can't help that.
Pippin: *rushing onstage* Now see here...!
Bill: Did I mention that they're really hot headed?
Merry, Frodo, Sam, and the rest of the Shire: *charge onstage and attack Bill*
*scene of unimaginable violence*
*static*
Deep voice: Ladies and Gentlemen: I regret to inform you that due to two mad men destroying our equip- I mean, erm, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, this show has been taken off the air. Forever. Thank you!
*Legolas and Aragorn stand and look at satisfaction at the carnage of ruined recording equipment*
Legolas: Well, that ought to take care of it. Good job, my friend.
Aragorn: You too, buddy!
