Unlikely Hero

[reasonably_crazy]

In my perverse little mind, I thought, "hey, what if the GOOD guys were going to destroy the world, and the BAD guys had to save it?"

I tried writing it a looong time ago but it was awful beyond reason, but I liked the idea, so here's attempt #2!

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Unlikely Hero

Chapter 1
Introducing: The Unlikely Hero

The Dark Sorcerer’s Hidden Tower was, as hidden towers are wont, extremely difficult to find. This was for a myriad of reasons, the first and foremost being that the Dark Sorcerer didn’t particularly want to be found. There were also many reasons for the Dark Sorcerer not wanting to be found; the first and foremost of these was that there were a lot of people out to get him. This wasn’t mere paranoia, it was simple fact. He happened to be on the top of an alarming number of hit lists.

The second reason for the Dark Sorcerer not wanting to be found was that he simply didn’t want to be annoyed by idiots. This was rather difficult as idiots were in a disturbingly large supply, but he found that by merely being difficult to find, he cut down on his idiot encounters by nearly forty five percent. Considering that his Hidden Tower lurked in the middle of a black sea in the middle of a white desert masked by impenetrable magic spells, forty five percent may seem to be a rather low figure. However, disposable idiotic minions were kept on hand as a necessity, so the Dark Sorcerer took what he could get.

It was another typical day in the Hidden Tower for the sorcerer; he’d been plotting, a particularly pleasant pastime, he found. His minions outside his Hidden Tower had given him tidbits on all the mischief and dark deeds they’d achieved recently. They were all lying; they'd done nothing but lie about all day, but it still made the sorcerer feel good to hear about it. So he was in an uncharacteristically good mood when he received the surprising news that a rogue had managed to traverse the scorching desert, swim the icy dark sea, and penetrate all his magic spells to reach the Hidden Tower.

Needless to say, he was somewhat bedraggled when he was led before the Dark Sorcerer.

It was the habit of many evil power-holders to make majestic entrances and have an aura of mystery surrounding them all the time. This Dark Sorcerer, however, considered all that rot a cheap trick used by those who wished to pretend they had power. This Dark Sorcerer actually had power; he didn’t need to create the cliché atmosphere. The hall where he met the intruder was well lit, had a merry warm fire, and was populated with many squashy oversize chairs.

It was the rogue’s turn to be surprised by the Dark Sorcerer’s blunt nature.

“Who are you?” the Sorcerer asked candidly.

Rogues, as a rule, aren’t particularly concerned with the affairs of others unless the affairs of others concern their own affairs. Often times, an unwary rogue may find himself getting swept up into hero journeys by being forced into believing that the fate of the whole world rests on their interaction with the hero, thereby affecting the rogue’s own affairs. The Sorcerer, seeing the effort that this rogue had gone through to find his Hidden Tower, was beginning to suspect that this rogue had been caught up in a heroic effort. Rogues just didn’t do these things on their own. He felt his good day slipping away.

“I am,” The Rogue answered in the trademark unhelpful manner, “a rogue.”

“Now that, my dear friend, I doubt,” the Sorcerer said. “I think you were at one time a rogue, but you’ve run in with some hero who’s given you the whole sob story about the world’s fate and how the whole world concerns you.” He said this last part with an exaggerated mockery. “Now you’ve been sent on some fool’s mission to find the Dark Sorcerer’s hidden castle and either show the sorcerer the evil of his ways or kill him. It’s always the story, though I admit it’s the first time it’s happened to me personally.”

The Rogue grinned. “It’s not happened to you yet.”

“Oh no?” The Sorcerer cupped his chin in his hand as he sat on the largest, squashiest, and most comfortable looking chair.

“Actually,” the Rogue confessed, “I’ve come to ask you to save the world.”

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

I'd done some re-writing of some things- fixed a couple details, added some details, but the gist is the same. I doubt if you bothered to read it again you'd notice any difference.

[Hobbit-eyes]

*giggles* Me likeses this very much!!! You're a really great writer!!!!

*evil glare* You know what you have to do now...

[reasonably_crazy]

I've actually written several pages more. After several weeks of inactivity, I started it up again, and I must say I'm pleased with the direction it's going so far...

I'm not entirely happy with the dialogue in the first bit, but I'll fix it later when I figure out how exactly I want it.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The Sorcerer didn’t allow a ripple of emotion to cross his face. He merely stared at this rogue for a moment or two. Then he threw back his head and laughed, long and loud.

“I admit you amuse and surprise me,” the Sorcerer told the Rogue, “and no one’s done that in a very long time. You’ve bought my patience. Now tell me who you are and why you braved the desert’s fire and the sea’s ice to tell me a joke.”

“I am a Rogue.”

“Fine. You’re a rogue. Then Rogue I shall call you. I’m short on patience.”

The Rogue, though clearly not holding the upper hand, maintained his confident attitude and swagger. “I told you the truth, Sorcerer. I expect you to save the world.”

The Sorcerer sighed. “The last time I went out to battle I was attempting to destroy the world, my dear Rogue. If you seek to save it you came to exactly the wrong place.”

The Rogue smiled and shook his head. “You weren’t seeking to destroy the world. To destroy the world would be to destroy yourself, as well. You wanted to eliminate the Good that stood against you so you could rule the world.”

“Be that as it may,” the Sorcerer said patiently, “I’ve not heard of any plots to destroy the world. If someone were out to destroy the world, I would certainly know about it.”

“No,” the Rogue said, possibly becoming the first to directly disagree with the Sorcerer. “The world IS about to be destroyed. You don’t know about it, probably because there is no plot to have it done.”

The Sorcerer was a rather negative person. That being said, it would be apparent that there would be a good many things that he just did not like. An especially high item on his list happened to be being confused.

The Sorcerer was confused. And he didn’t like it.

“I told you, Rogue, that you bought my patience. Perhaps I should have specified exactly how much of my patience you had bought.” Only his persistent curiosity prevented the Sorcerer from ridding himself of the rogue. Rogues didn’t put themselves at risk unless they had an extremely good reason. Finding out that reason could be difficult, as all rogues were, as a rule, extremely vague. Every single one. The Sorcerer suspected it had something to do with the silent ‘ue’ after the ‘g’ in each word. Rogue. Vague. Yes, that had to be it.

Rogue was fully aware that he was in danger of having his tongue ripped out and shoved up his nostrils, but he still refused to relinquish his illusion of confidence. He sighed theatrically. “The Heroes are out to destroy the Evil in the world.”

“Thank you, Rogue, god of the Obvious. I didn’t know that.”

“Well, Sorcerer, god of Sarcasm, they’re doing it.”

Sorcerer snorted. “Well, Good and Evil… both have their pitfalls from time to time- Can we get to the point?”

Rogue shook his head as if to say, how could anyone be so stupid? “Haven’t you heard from any of you Evil cronies lately? You know, the other Evil leaders?”

Sorcerer found himself snorting again. “Ridiculous! We don’t communicate. We ARE enemies, after all. When you’re out for world domination, everyone’s your enemy.”

“Of course.” Rogue sounded like he was lecturing a small child. “Well, perhaps if you had been communicating with your Evil chums, you might have figured out by now that you are the only ‘enemy’ left.”

The sorcerer leaned back in his chair, rested an elbow on the arm, and in turn rested his cheek on his fist. He merely looked at the rogue for a while, as one would when there was simply nothing more interesting to look at. He did look rather ridiculous. He was still wet from his swim through the sea, and his black hair either stuck out at odd angles where it wasn’t plastered to his forehead.

Nearly a full minute later, he spoke. “I cannot believe,” he said slowly, “that a rogue, of all people, would put himself at risk to come tell the most powerful sorcerer in the world a faerie story.” He considered Rogue a moment longer with his dark eyes. “You must be touched in the head.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” Rogue insisted. “The Heroes have been going on a rampage!” Then, apparently remembering his roguish nature, he continued. “Alright, fine, don’t believe me. It doesn’t really matter what happens to you, anyway.”

“You didn’t explain how the world would be destroyed yet,” Sorcerer reminded dryly, tugging on one of the two short braids in his brown beard. If he was going to hear a faerie story, he was going to hear ALL of it.

“Well,” Rogue drawled, scratching his nose, “You’re really the last symbol of Evil left. Once they kill you, all remaining Evil in the land can be wiped out easily. We’ll live in a utopia.”

“How lovely for you,” Sorcerer commented sarcastically, watching as the rogue seated himself near the fire. “Not the leather chair, man, you’re still wet.”

“Sorry.” Rogue obligingly moved to another chair. “Every creature is flawed, Sorcerer. Every carnivore commits an injustice by eating an innocent animal. They put their life over the life of their prey. If a mindless animal sins just to stay alive, imagine how flawed Humans are.”

“I believe I’m living proof of that,” Sorcerer remarked in a bored tone.

“Not just you,” Rogue said doggedly, driving his point home, “everyone! Even the greatest Hero of the lot does wrong.”

“Not that he’d like you to know it.”

Rogue ignored him. “How can imperfect creatures live in a perfect world? It would be impossible. We would taint the perfection merely by existing, no matter how faultless we tried to be.”

“So you’d live in the illusion of a utopia,” Sorcerer shrugged. “Good enough.”

Rogue shook his head, sending a few drips of water from his hair onto the fire, where it sizzled. “It’s not good enough for the Heroes.”

“No, it never is, is it?”

[Hobbit-eyes]

Oooooh, this is really good.... clever point. By getting rid of all evil, we'd have to get rid of ourselves... i like it.

[reasonably_crazy]

Despite himself, Rouge quirked a quick grin, which he quickly wiped off. “The Heroes have teamed up with the god Dyssus-“

“Dyssus?”

“He’s a small god,” Rogue explained, “and a bit of an idiot. But he is a god, and you can’t just kill those things. Anyway, to make a bigger name for himself, Dyssus promised the Heroes that he would help them create a magical device that would wipe out all Evil in the world. And true to his word, he did.”

Sorcerer raised one eyebrow. “You’re still here, I’m still here- It can’t have worked very well.”

“Well, the agreement came on one condition. Dyssus didn’t like the idea of doing all the work himself, so he and the heroes made an agreement. Dyssus’ device will wipe out the mild-to-moderate evils. Small time thieves, tax collectors- they’ll be obliterated by it. But the big-time Evil guys- the device won’t work until they’re out of the picture. So the Evil overlords, men such as yourself, a few of the worst politicians- they need to be dispatched by hand. The Heroes do that, and then the device can clean up the small stuff.”

“And destroy mankind in the process.”

Rogue shrugged and crossed his legs, his pants having dried. “A small side-effect; hardly worth mentioning.”

“Does Dyssus realize what he’s doing?”

Rogue allowed a short, derogatory laugh. “I told you- he may be a god, but he’s not exactly the brightest star in the sky. He doesn’t have a clue.”

Sorcerer thought a moment, toying idly with the fabric of his black cloak. “What about the other gods? They’re just going to sit back and watch, right?”

“Oh, you know them. Our lives are part of a rather complex game to them. Except maybe the goddess Laina; she’s always had a soft spot for us- I can’t imagine why,” Rogue noted. “I expect the other gods are restraining her- they’ve probably got a number of impressive wagers running that they don’t want spoiled.”

Sorcerer laughed. “The gods love to interfere- they do it all the time! Don’t they want to tip the balance?”

Rogue rubbed the back of his neck and pulled some still-damp hair out of his collar. “Strictly speaking, gods are only allowed to interfere if their followers pray to them and ask for interference- Which can be dangerous, because at that point they give the gods free reign. You’ve got to be careful who you pray to, in case the god decides he doesn’t feel like fulfilling the prayer the way you want him to. Anyway, nobody’s praying for the gods’ interference. As far as everyone else knows, the Heroes are eliminating Evil: warlords and corrupt rulers. Nobody knows about Dyssus’ device, or that they’re all going to be wiped out if the Heroes succeed. Nobody knows- not even the Heroes.”

Sorcerer looked at Rogue suspiciously. It was an extremely detailed faerie story. “So the god Dyssus-“

“Yes...?”

“-Teamed up with the Heroes to destroy Evil.”

“Yes.”

“And their evil-killing device will destroy every human alive.”

“Exactly.”

“But first the Heroes have to kill the especially Evil, evil guys.”

“Yes.”

“And I’m the only one left?”

“Afraid so,” Rogue said almost apologetically.

The suspicious gleam hadn’t left Sorcerer’s eye. “How do you know all this?”

Rogue favored Sorcerer with a look that said disdainfully, you don’t know? “Honestly. I’m a rogue! You might even call me a mercenary. I’m not Good, I’m not Evil. I was with the Heroes when they made that deal with Dyssus. I was part of their plot to rid the world of Evil. I was even signed up to kill the tyrant king of Escatan. They were paying good gold, that’s all I cared about. But I was the only one that understood what the complete elimination of Evil would mean.”

“You were there?” Sorcerer demanded incredulously. “You were THERE, and you didn’t tell them before they started killing everyone that they were taking steps towards wiping out the entire human race?”

“Oh, I told them,” Rogue muttered darkly, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward broodingly, “but none of them believed me. You should know how thick Heroes are, especially after the more famous ones get wrapped up in their own glory.” Rogue grimaced. “Talking to Galred the Great is like trying to have a conversation with your reflection- all he does is agree.”

“How did you- the only one- how were you the only one to understand this out of fifty Heroes and a god?” Sorcerer demanded.

Rogue rolled his eyes. “Honestly,” he said again. Sorcerer found it very odd that a rogue should say this particular word so often. “You of all people should understand the vastness of a Hero’s stupidity,” Rogue continued. “I’ve met about six intelligent Heroes in my lifetime, all of whom ended up dead- usually by the thickness of the stupid ones. Heroes are all muscle and luck. And I’ve already told you that the god is an idiot- there’s a reason that he doesn’t have many followers. He’s only in this for his popularity count. They’re morons, the lot of them. They can’t comprehend what they’re doing.”

“But you can?”

Rogue shrugged. “I did have a philosopher for a father,” he admitted.

“You and I are the only ones that know all this, then?” Sorcerer asked.

“So you believe me?”

“It’s exactly the sort of stupid idea that the Heroes I’ve run into would come up with,” Sorcerer muttered. “But why did you come to me with this, and not run to your philosopher of a father?"

“Don’t you see?” Rogue said in exasperation, his voice rising, “You’re the only one that can do anything about it!”

“How can I do anything?” Sorcerer shouted. “All I have to do is stay alive and Dyssus and the Heroes can’t do anything!”

In a sudden fit of excitement, Rogue leaped to his feet. “No, no, no! Don’t you see?” Rogue cried again. All signs of his distant, unconcerned manner were instantly absent. He was shouting, talking quickly, and waving his arms wildly to get his point across. His blue eyes glittered with the importance of what he was saying. “They’ll find you! Every Hero is out looking for you! And they have Dyssus, who may be an idiot- but he’s still a god and he can lead them to you! He’ll be helping the Heroes all they can, since he’ll be sharing in their glory! No matter how well hidden you are, no matter what spells you cast, Dyssus can find you, break down your protection, and you’ll wake up one morning to find yourself one giant bloody pincushion with forty swords sticking out of you!”

Sorcerer pondered quietly and unhappily for a moment, slightly but invisibly surprised by Rogue’s outburst. He did not enjoy being forced into things. He couldn’t deny, however, that if all Rogue said was true, then he truly was in danger. He couldn’t let Good prevail- particularly with something he’d been trying to do for years. “So what do you suggest we do?” asked Sorcerer in an angry, begrudging growl.

Seeing he had won, Rogue answered Sorcerer’s quiet rage with a slow smile. He sat himself back down, stroking his short black beard in a satisfied way. “First off, we need to even the odds. We’re going to enlist a god. Or should I say… Goddess.”

[reasonably_crazy]

I did get a review from a particularly annoying chick on fictionpress that I was overusing titles for Sorcerer and Rogue. In case you also were confused, that's all they have as means of names at the moment, and I am using as such until their names are revealed.

*sigh* Sorry. I don't really know why that bothered me so much.

[Hobbit-eyes]

Yayayayayay, me likeses this. *clappy clap*

[reasonably_crazy]

Yay! ^.^

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

“I feel I should mention that I’ve never been exactly what one would call a religious man,” warned Sorcerer, seating himself in a chair near the rogue. “I can’t say I’m on good terms with any of the gods or goddesses.”

“Not to worry; nobody is ever truly ‘on good terms’ with a god,” Rogue said cheerfully. “Not that the gods would like you to know it. They like their holy men well enough. Most gods don’t actually care about them, but they like them.

Sorcerer didn’t say anything to that. He was bothered by Rogue’s suddenly cheerful manner, especially after his tale of doom and gloom. The sorcerer was still stung by the fact that some complete stranger had managed to waltz his way into the supposedly-impenetrable Hidden Tower bearing information that pointed strongly towards his- the sorcerer’s- demise. Sorcerer wasn’t fool enough to kill the rogue now that he’d gotten that information, though he had to admit he thought it would make him feel better. This rogue had been witness to the deal with the Heroes and the god Dyssus, and therefore had a far better idea as to what was going on, no matter how much he told Sorcerer. Nothing was as good as knowing through being there.

“Are you sure anyone will answer us?” Sorcerer finally asked irritably. “After all, why would the gods pay any attention to two people who’ve always gotten on perfectly well on their own?”

Rogue shrugged. “Oh, I’ve called on just about all of the gods at least once in my life- different ones depending on the situation. They don’t mind rogues like me much, since we don’t particularly pledge allegiance to anyone.”

“If you haven’t noticed,” Sorcerer said icily, “I am not a rogue.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed that,” Rogue said, smirking. “But, like a rogue, you pledge allegiance only to yourself.”

Sorcerer made a non-committal noise. “So who are we calling on? Ethelia?” Ethelia was a goddess of nature and was generally considered nice enough, as goddesses go.

Rogue snorted. “Ethelia? Gods, no. Honestly. She likes trees more than she likes people. We’re going to call on Laina.”

Sorcerer felt his stomach drop unpleasantly. “Laina?”

“I told you she has a soft spot for humans, and she’s smart enough to understand how dangerous the Heroes’ plan is. She should be ideal.” Rogue knelt on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest in the sign of humility.

“Wait,” Sorcerer ordered. “We can’t call Laina!”

“Oh, you’re right. Thanks for warning me.” Sorcerer watched in surprise as Rogue examined his fingers, which, Sorcerer noticed for the first time, were heavily laden with rings. Rogue pulled two silver ones off his left hand, then struggled an oversized gold one off his right index. “Laina hates being summoned by one wearing magic. It interferes or something. She’s never really explained it.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Sorcerer demanded. “’Summoned?’ You’re summoning her? Why not just pray for her guidance? That alone would be bad enough.”

Rogue sighed heavily. “Honestly. And everyone thinks you’re intelligent.” Sorcerer scowled at him. “Dyssus is traveling with the Heroes in person- it’s just more convenient that way. If we want to have a chance at standing up to them, we’re going to need our own god- goddess- on our side. Laina’s our best bet. Oop!” Rogue hastily pulled off another ring and stowed it deep in a pocket. “That was Relena’s ring.” Rogue got back on his knees and crossed his arms again. “Laina probably wouldn’t like that.”

“Relena’s ring?” Sorcerer repeated. “The goddess of love and fertility?” he added in a hiss. “Why do you have her ring?”

Rogue smirked. “She likes me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“You don’t have to. Now get down here and summon Laina with me. She’s more likely to answer if we both call.”

“Oh, no. No way. I said I’m not on good terms with any of the gods, remember? And that was true. What I didn’t mention was that I’m on VERY BAD terms with one goddess in particular- one who happens to be called Laina!” Sorcerer crossed his arms, but not in the reverent pose of prayer. It was the stubborn gesture commonly seen in rebelling adolescents.

“Oh, come on,” Rogue insisted. He looked as though he found something about the conversation rather funny. “This is Laina. She doesn’t hold grudges. Now kneel.”

“’Doesn’t hold grudges,’” mimicked Sorcerer. “Says you. I’ll sit here and watch, but that’s as involved as I’m going to get. Believe me, she’s far more likely to respond to you alone than to me with company.” Sorcerer sat in one of his chairs, surveying Rogue with his hard black eyes.

Rogue shrugged, uselessly tried to toss his black hair out of his eyes, and again prepared to summon Laina.
Sorcerer had seen someone try to summon a god before. The man had taken the exact same pose as Rogue was now in and had made a rather flowery speech, pleading that the ‘mighty god, great in power,’ would come to the aid of ‘his ever-faithful and humble servant.’ This had happened to be while the Dark Sorcerer was invading the man’s fortress.

In the end, the mighty god that was great in power didn’t come, and the ever-humble and faithful servant died very shortly thereafter with a rather amusing expression on his face.

Sorcerer watched the rogue in some anticipation, almost looking forward to seeing the sharp-tongued man prostrate himself before a god the same way the flowery-tongued man had so long before. Especially if Rogue made a fool of himself with a flowery speech of his own, then ended up being ignored. It had been rather entertaining to see the other man’s face when he realized his god wasn’t going to show.

Rogue began his prayer. “Prayer to the lovely goddess Laina, from her devilishly attractive Rogue: requesting her presence. Subject: Fate of the World.” He paused, as though unsure as to what he should say next. “Hoping to see her soon,” he finished optimistically. Rogue unfolded her arms and stood up, unnecessarily dusting off his knees. “Now, to see if she comes.”

Sorcerer stared openly, not even trying to hide his incredulity. “I cannot believe you just did that.”

Rogue widened his blue eyes innocently. “What?”

“That- that- gods, could you even call that a prayer?”

Rogue shrugged. “Well, it was short and it got to the point, which is always good. Gods have shorter attention spans than you’d really want to think. I’m always sure to throw in a little flattery, though.”

“What are you talking about?” the sorcerer demanded. “You flattered yourself as much as you flattered her!”

“No,” Rogue said with a straight face, “I’ve just found that it’s best to tell the truth when dealing with the gods. Besides, I wanted to make sure she’d recognize me when she got here.”

The reasons not to kill the rogue Sorcerer had pointed out to himself earlier were slipping rapidly from his mind. This man was insane- FAR more trouble than he was worth…

Rogue picked at a corner of his tunic and a flap of his faded blue cloak and sniffed, seeming to not notice Sorcerer’s near-murderous state. “Disgusting. I smell like seaweed. And I still have some gunk from that sea monster you planted in your ocean on me- see? Just there.” He pointed to a dark stain, then roved his icy orbs over the sorcerer, sizing him up. “We’re about the same size, wouldn’t you say? I don’t suppose I could borrow-”

“NO!” shouted the sorcerer. “I’m sure your dear goddess loves the smell of seaweed," he added sourly.

Suddenly a faint glow filled the room, gradually growing brighter, cutting off any reply the rogue might have made.

“She’s here!” Rogue breathed. He glanced at his fingers, started, and began trying to pull of a thin gold band. It was stuck behind his knuckle. Cursing under his breath, Rogue twisted it around so its insignia was hidden between two of his fingers.

The glow pulsed brighter, brighter, so that both Rogue and Sorcerer had to shield their eyes. Then suddenly the glow was gone altogether and there was a third person in the room; possibly the most beautiful woman Sorcerer had ever laid eyes on. And possibly the only woman he had hoped he would never have had to face again.

[Hobbit-eyes]

*clappyclappy again*

The rogue is funny ;D

[reasonably_crazy]

Laina was indeed beautiful- goddesses always were. She had rippling golden hair that fell to her waist in gentle curls. She had a lovely heart-shaped face and a flawless figure that was covered modestly- but not too modestly- by a flowing and filmy white dress. Her eyes, colored a deep blue so that they looked nearly purple, were large and expressive. The present expression was one of bitter resignation.

“I would like you to know,” she said coolly, staring straight ahead with her arms folded, “that it is extremely fortunate for you that you are needed alive, Dominik.” Rogue looked at Sorcerer in surprise; nobody knew the real name of the Dark Sorcerer. “In a moment,” she continued, “I will cease to find this wall intensely interesting. When that happens, you will want to remind me very quickly that we need you alive, because the moment I lay eyes on you I will forget.” There was a pause, then she turned to face the two men. Her gaze settled on Sorcerer- Dominik- and her eyes narrowed. Laina began striding purposely towards him, reaching out a flawless yet distinctly menacing hand.

Dominik raised a finger. “You need me alive,” he warned.

Laina froze, her arm still stretched towards him. After a second she straightened up and let her hand fall. “Yes, I suppose we do,” she said lightly, as though it were a trivial detail. Before she turned away from Dominik she wiggled her fingers at him. “Zap,” she whispered. She added a wicked smirk and a wink before rounding on Rogue.

“Muireadhach!” Laina cried warmly, managing to brush past Dominik even though he wasn’t between her and the rogue. “You’re far from home.”

“Yes, well, Rogues wander,” Muireadhach the rogue responded cheerfully. The goddess and rogue clasped arms in a friendly fashion.

“No, nobody’s ever on good terms with a god,” Dominik quoted sarcastically. He gazed at the rogue with a dry expression. “I thought you only called on each of the gods once or twice!”

“Well, the gods, yes,” Muireadhach said, smirking. “However, I make a habit of being considerably better acquainted with the goddesses.”

“All of them?” bantered Laina with a gasp. “I thought it was just me!”

“Would you two stop flirting?” snarled Dominik sourly. That certain remark earned him an especially cold glare from the goddess, but he found he was in too foul a mood to care. Curse it all, he thought darkly, if those Heroes didn’t finish him, Laina would. It was all Rogue’s fault- Muireadhach’s fault. Dominik collapsed in a chair and regarded them both crossly.

Muireadhach also took a seat and looked at Dominik. “Well?”

“'Well?’” snapped the mage. “’Well’ what? What do you mean, ‘well?’ This was all your doing. You brought her here- do you know I was having a good day until you showed up?”

“My, my, my- I forgot how particularly annoying this mortal could be,” Laina said to no one in particular. She pointedly ignored the other chairs in the room and conjured up a notably grander one out of thin air. As she settled herself daintily in it, she wiggled her fingers at Dominik. “Zap,” she whispered again. The sorcerer rolled his eyes.

“Now, now, children,” Muireadhach said in a mock-serious voice, “Don’t make me separate you. What’s going on with the deities, Laina?”

“Oh, the usual,” she sighed, ignoring Dominik now. “Randii has been cackling his fool head off at the irony of the situation this entire time, and no one’s been able to make him shut up yet. It’s been driving me mad. Even a place as foul as this seems a welcome respite.” She looked about the room in distaste.

“So none of the gods have bothered to try to talk some sense into Dyssus?” interrupted Dominik coldly.

“Of course not,” Laina said blandly, making a large show of examining her nails. “He’s in mortal form now, isn’t he? Gods can only come down here when asked; it’s one of our rules. None of us could reach him if we wanted to- which most of us don’t. We don’t interfere with each other’s plans much. Besides, Dyssus is much too stupid to understand even if we did talk to him. He has a rather one-tracked mind, and if you tried to get him to look at the big picture I believe his head would explode.”

“The perfect god for the Heroes,” muttered Dominik.

Muireadhach grinned. Laina ignored the mage’s comment. “Muireadhach, dear,” she said in a motherly voice, “you smell vile.”

The rogue smiled at her. “Yes, well, arriving here required a small swim, and I haven’t had the opportunity to bathe or change, I’m afraid.”

Laina shot a sharp look at Dominik. “And you didn’t offer him clean clothes or anything?”

Dominik snorted in disbelief. “He’s a complete stranger! He dances his way in here and makes a handful of demands, brings in uninvited guests-” he spared a hard look for the goddess- “and you expect me to offer him the clothes off my back?”

“Mortals, no,” scorned the goddess, casting a critical eye over the sorcerer’s garments, “I don’t expect you could convince anyone to take those.”

Dominik gnawed his tongue and bottled in his inarticulate hatred, reminding himself repeatedly that she WAS a goddess and could therefore do a lot more bad things to him than he could do to her.

Muireadhach, however, was surveying the scene with unveiled amusement. “You were right, Dom. You DID make her mad. I’ve never seen her hold a grudge before.”

“Don’t call me Dom, Rogue,” growled the dark lord.

“Tsk, tsk,” tutted Laina. “Touchy.”

There was that somewhat awkward silence that springs up in places where two people that fervently despise each other are attempting to be civil. As civil as they can manage, at any rate.

Actually, Laina looked as though she were almost enjoying herself. Dominik made the mistake of glancing at her. He averted his eyes too late- he had definitely seen her mouth the word ‘zap.’

[reasonably_crazy]

Oh, and if you just sprained your brain, Muireadhach is a real name- Gaelic, I think. It's pronounced "moor-dack."