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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 13, 2005 4:16:18 GMT -5
Violet would be in it though...
*gets sudden idea*
Ooh.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jul 13, 2005 13:28:54 GMT -5
I haven't been on this thread for AGES. I'd only read the first chappeh until just now. I LOFF IT! *glomps teh Kateh*
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 13, 2005 14:05:36 GMT -5
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!! GLOMPINESS!!!!
I'm writing more right now. But you'll have to wait 2 and a half weeks to read it...
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jul 13, 2005 14:52:21 GMT -5
TEH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Jul 15, 2005 14:42:40 GMT -5
Wait, what? NO-NESS!
Why the two weeks of much pain?
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 31, 2005 12:01:30 GMT -5
So that I have two weeks for my inspiration to get out of control... I'VE WRITTEN LOADS MORE!
But, I will stagger the postings so that you don't read it all at once...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 31, 2005 12:04:52 GMT -5
Remember, folks, just because I've written an extra... *counts quickly* fifteen pages (whoa!) I still want suggestions...
On Coruscant, in the Prequel Trilogy Sector, the Jedi Council was just getting underway.
“First item of business,” announced Mace Windu, reading the list, “is preparations for the Master-Padawan Camping Trip on Endor. Plo Koon has kindly offered us some tents, and Luminara Unduli is getting treasure trails from the archives… On Saturday morning, all Master-Padawan teams meet in the main hall with their backpacks. All Jedi without Padawans already must take one of the younger Padawans-”
Several of the Jedi groaned. “Complain, do not,” scolded Yoda, “You, that annoying once were as well.”
“I had to look after one of them on the Kamino boat trip!” moaned Ki-Adi-Mundi, “They kept being sick over the side!”
Obi-Wan was suddenly extremely glad that he’d taken on Anakin as his Padawan as soon as he stopped being one himself.
“Second item of business,” went on Mace Windu, “Yoda has worked more on his Yoda Pop recipe, and would like one of the Masters to try it-”
The Jedi Masters were spared from having to come up with some excuse or, if need be, flee the Council chamber, by Anakin running in.
“Sorry to disturb you, Masters-”
“Oh, that’s no problem at all,” said Obi-Wan hurriedly in relief, “What’s the problem?”
“We’ve just received a message. Code NERD.”
“Patch it through,” ordered Mace Windu immediately. Anakin ran out the door again. A few moments later, the image of the Emperor flickered into view on the HoloPhone in the centre of the ring of chairs.
“Greetings, esteemed Jedi Council,” he said, “May your robes always be scratchy and irritating, no matter what washing powder you use.”
“And may your forehead become so wrinkly it droops over your eyes,” replied Mace Windu, rolling his eyes, “What do you want?”
“I want you to send some people to the Watching Dimensions to tell them of the wonders of Star Wars.”
Silence rippled loudly around the Council Chamber.
“Huh?” inquired Obi-Wan.
One explanation of the state of affairs from the Emperor later, Obi-Wan hurried out of the Council Chamber to find Anakin. He didn’t have to go far – Anakin was sitting outside the door, trying not to look like he’d been listening.
“I wasn’t listening,” he said hurriedly, “But I already called Padme. She’s bringing the cruiser to take us to the Watching Dimensions. And she’s picking up Drive-Thru on the way.”
Obi-Wan smiled and rested a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “At least you eavesdrop efficiently, Anakin.”
"I learnt from the best, Master."
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 31, 2005 12:06:29 GMT -5
Meanwhile, in Middle-earth, Sam, Merry and Pippin were on their way to a similar council in Rivendell. They had gone to Bag End, but found it deserted, with a note saying, ‘Hello fellow hobbits, I have gone off for an adventure, do not worry about me or search for me. Signed, Frodo Baggins. PS Star Wars is underrated.’
None of the hobbits noticed anything amiss.
“Shall we go into the Prancing Pony?” suggested Merry on their way through Bree, “Aragorn might be there.”
“He’s probably already left,” said Sam.
“Shall we go anyway?”
“Oh yes.”
However, much to their surprise, when they had stepped over the collapsed bodies outside the door and gone into the pub, they saw a dark cloaked figure sitting in the corner, wearing a sticky label on his front saying, ‘HI! I am ARAGORN. Really.’
“Aragorn!” they said happily, running up to him. He didn’t seem to hear them. They suddenly saw a woman with brown hair sitting next to him, who had just elbowed him sharply in the ribs.
“Look, ARAGORN,” she hissed, “Some of your FRIENDS are here.”
The cloaked figure looked up in surprise, and quickly opened a book called ‘Who’s Who in Middle-earth'. “Ah!” he said, “Er – hello, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck aka Merry and Peregrin Took aka Pippin. How are you this fine day?”
Even the hobbits noticed something here. “You are Aragorn, right?” said Pippin slowly.
The man looked shocked. “Me? Not Aragorn? Of course I’m Aragorn! I’m as Aragorn as Aragorn can be. Yup. I’m Aragorn.”
“Oh, OK,” said Merry and Pippin happily, leaping into seats next to him.
“Who’s that?” asked Sam, pointing at the woman.
“Errrr-”
“I’m Arwen,” said the woman hurriedly, “Of course.”
“Of course,” said Aragorn quickly.
“Really? Your hair looks a lot shorter – actually, you both look kinda different-”
“We’re Aragorn and Arlen,” said Aragorn firmly.
“Arwen,” coughed Arwen.
“ARWEN,” said Aragorn, “Whoops! You know me, forgetting names…”
“You remember enough of your own,” pointed out Pippin.
Aragorn looked at Pippin as though he wanted to kill him. Pippin was surprised – normally Aragorn just looked at him as though he wanted to cause him grievous harm.
“And why’s Arwen here?” asked Merry, “Shouldn’t she be at Rivendell?”
Aragorn and Arwen both looked flustered. “Isn’t Arwen – I mean, aren’t I - a kick-ass warrior princess, always in the thick of things?” asked Arwen nervously.
“Ummmmmm,” said Sam, “I wouldn’t call you that personally.”
“You are in the film,” said Merry, “But normally you’re just the stay-at-home type person, aren’t you?”
“Errr,” said Arwen, “Yes, yes I am.”
Before the hobbits could try to deduce anything which could be incriminating, Aragorn said quickly, “So where are you going?”
“Oh – that council in Rivendell. Discussing how best to deal with the NERD review, and the competition we’re facing,” said Pippin.
“Oh!” said Aragorn, and exchanged a knowing look and a wink with Arwen, “Well, I doubt you need to worry about that.”
“Really?” said Merry in surprise.
“Oh no! I’m sure you’re so much better than, say, Star Wars, that, er, you needn’t do anything to for the inspectors, right? Just, er, go about your normal lives… in fact, why don’t you go on holiday for a while? I’m sure they can manage without you.”
The hobbits all looked at each other. “Go… on holiday?” said Sam slowly.
“Yes!” chipped in Arwen eagerly, “Go into a different story universe. Have a look around, see what’s happening. They’ll manage here, you’re so much better than Star Wars that they can manage without you.”
“It would be nice to go on holiday,” admitted Merry, “And they don’t really need us, do they?”
“Legolas did call us a waste of space that time,” said Pippin thoughtfully, a rare tone of voice for him, “Why not?”
“EXCELLENT!!” cried Aragorn enthusiastically, “I’ve already got you passes out of the universe.” He handed them the small cards that would authorize them leaving the canon. “Have fun!” he said cheerily, ushering them out of the door, and added just as he closed it behind them, “And don’t come back for a LONG time!”
The hobbits, now outside the inn, stared at the closed door, slightly confused by what was going on. But they decided that, if Aragorn said it was all right, then surely they could go on holiday…
Meanwhile, inside the inn, ‘Aragorn’ went back over to ‘Arwen’, an exhausted smile on his face. “Convincing enough?” he asked.
“Hardly,” replied ‘Arwen’, “If even hobbits get suspicious, you know you’re in trouble. I don’t know how you’re hoping to survive at this Council.”
“Well, you’re hardly helping! I told you the bagel-hairstyle wasn’t very Middle-earth.”
“You said fancy.”
“I didn’t say ‘baked goods’.”
‘Arwen’ slouched back in her seat. “We need help. And I hope Luke’s getting on all right…”
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jul 31, 2005 12:07:33 GMT -5
Aaaand one more... just because I enjoyed this chapter so so much....
Legolas and his band of elves were hurrying from Mirkwood to the Council in Rivendell. This was even more difficult nowadays than it had been during the War of the Ring, because of an influx of other evil creatures – Mary-Sues.
“O Prince Legolas,” cried the latest one, bursting from the nearby trees with crystalline tears pouring down her cheeks, “I am Amberanyastarylithiel, the second daughter of Elrond. My father wishes for me to marry the Steward of Gondor in order to cement our alliance with the south. But my heart belongs to Aragorn, and he returns it, but he has been bewitched by Ar-”
There was a thud. Amberanyastarylithiel crumpled to the ground, and Legolas continued walking as though he had not been interrupted, returning his special elven Mary-Sue Mallet to its holder.
“There are more of these rwalaer than normal,” muttered one of the other elves to him, “Something is not right in the canon – some plot holes must have been created, it’s the only way to explain the current abundance of them.”
“I know,” said Legolas heavily, “We can only hope Lord Elrond has some advice for us…”
The elves did not know, but a very interesting contest was about to take place – Elven senses versus Jedi stealth. The elves, who could not only hear a pin drop at 500 paces but also run to catch in time, against a Jedi, who had learnt from the man who managed to sneak throughout the Death Star without being noticed, leading to the second one being installed with CCTV.
I will not say who won, because I would not like to put an end to such a good debate. But about a minute later, Luke Skywalker dropped down onto the path in front of the elves. Whether the elves knew there was someone nearby or not, I leave up to you.
Before the elves could grab their bows or daggers, Luke quickly waved his hand through the air. “You do not want to hurt me,” he said calmly.
Some of the elves at the back, too minor characters to be given personalities, dropped their weapons and muttered that they didn’t want to hurt him. The others looked slightly confused and lowered their bows slightly.
“You want-” Another hand wave. “-to go back to Mirkwood.”
“I think we ought to go back to Mirkwood,” said one of the elves to Legolas.
Legolas looked round at him in surprise. “You do?”
“Yes,” said Luke, accompanied with another hand wave.
“YES,” chanted all the elves, eyes oddly glazed.
Legolas looked from his fellow elves to the stranger on the path in front of him, who had now folded his arms and was looking supremely confident. “But…” he said, “This council’s really important…”
“Oh, did I not specify?” said Luke, a smile growing on his face, “You want to go back to Mirkwood, but you also want-” Hand wave. “- to leave Master Legolas here tied up behind that tree.”
Legolas stared, and tried to laugh, as if it was all a joke – but before he could, he was seized by his fellow elves, all muttering that yes, they wanted to leave Legolas tied up. “Hey, what are you doing??” he said in shock as they dragged him over towards the tree.
Luke surveyed this with the faintest hint of a smile. “I just want you to know,” he said, as the elves pulled a surprising quantity of rope out of their bags and tied Legolas up so thoroughly that he couldn’t move an inch, “That this isn’t personal - it’s just business.” He paused and reconsidered. “Actually, it is a bit personal. You stole most of my blond-hair-blue-eyed-lusting fangirls. And they’re quite rare, you know… I hardly have any now…”
The elves finished tying Legolas up. “Go back to your homes,” he told them, “And if anyone asks, Legolas eloped with Amberanyastarylithiel. Oh, sorry, didn’t you like her?” said Luke to Legolas, as Legolas made a furious noise behind his gag, “Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty more to choose from… I’m sure they’ll find you soon enough…”
Legolas stared at him in horror as he set off down the path towards where his speeder was parked. As Luke settled himself into his seat, he heard the unmistakeable sound of the squeeing of Mary-Sues, and what he imagined a horrified elf would sound like when gagged…
Really, Luke thought as his speeder shot into the sky, you’d think something this fun would be forbidden for Jedi…
Btw, don't worry... Middle-earth'll start getting its own back soon enough
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 1, 2005 18:48:20 GMT -5
*cackles madly*
EVIL! Beautifully, fantastically EVIL! Adoration seeps from every pore! Leggy's gonna diiiie...
And I like Aragorn and Arwen.
"?Well, you?re hardly helping! I told you the bagel-hairstyle wasn?t very Middle-earth.?
?You said fancy.?
?I didn?t say ?baked goods?.?"
*giggles* Very very good. Updateify! I like 15 pages!
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 2, 2005 12:17:17 GMT -5
Heeheehee. Will soon.
Ahh, Leggy torture... does anyone else want to write that bit? I fear I'll be too cruel.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 2, 2005 23:52:43 GMT -5
There's no such thing as 'too cruel' when Leggy's there, dear. This story is all yours- no one else could do it justice.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 3, 2005 4:38:51 GMT -5
Awww... but I can't write Leggy-torture...
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 3, 2005 12:49:22 GMT -5
pfft. What do you mean, you can't write leggy torture?
Fine, just skiv over it. Have one of the hobbits come across him unconcious and still tied to that tree, covered in lipstick and missing chunks of hair that fangirls have stolen as momentos, or something.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 3, 2005 14:17:37 GMT -5
I already have something... anyway, here's another chunk for you.
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, strange things were afoot.
This, of course, was perfectly normal, so not many people took much notice. They saw that the house elves were suddenly talking in musical voices and trying to learn archery, that the Mirror of Erised seemed to have turned into a birdbath, and that Dumbledore hadn’t been seen anywhere for a few days now, but they just put it down to ‘the antics of that Potter boy’ and forgot about it.
Defence against the Dark Arts was getting more and more peculiar. Professor Rumansa didn’t seem to know much about the subject, and was horrified by how many of them had ‘staffs’, and had looked baffled when Ron told him that they were called ‘wands’.
“But there are only five,” Professor Rumansa had said in amazement, “Only five wizards. How can there be so many of you here??”
Even Hermione didn’t know the answer to that one.
One memorable lesson, Professor Rumansa came bounding in, apparently in a state of great excitement. “Guess what, boys and girls?” he said cheerily, “Today, we’re going on a field trip!”
The students all glanced at each other in surprise. “That’s right! Taking you right where the action is! Into the Forbidden Forest!” he said cheerily, “Come on!”
Baffled, the students got up and followed Professor Rumansa out of the classroom, down the stairs and out onto the grounds. He kept glancing back to check that Harry, Ron and Hermione were still following.
“Doesn’t this all strike you as a little… odd?” asked Ron.
“It’s all part of his plan to protect us,” said Harry confidently, “He has to be a good guy – right?”
“I’m not sure,” said Hermione anxiously, “I mean, it would be a bit too obvious if he was a bad guy – but then maybe that’s what we’re supposed to think – I really need to read ‘To kill or be killed? – A Guide to DADA teachers at Hogwarts’ again…”
Neville hung back to talk to them. “Do you know if Dumbledore’s turned up yet?” he asked anxiously.
“Nope,” said Ron, “Last I saw of him, he was talking to some other wizard with long grey hair and a beard…”
“Really?” said Hermione, “I saw him with a wizard with short white hair and a beard.”
“Did he have a staff?”
“No… he didn’t seem to have anything, except this weird laser sword thing… He could do the Summoning Charm without one, though…”
Harry shook his head. “Odder and odder… ah well, at least we know we can trust Professor Rumansa,” he added cheerily, as Professor Rumansa lead them into the forest and pointedly avoided the path, calling brightly that ‘off the path was where the real action was’.
They followed him deeper and deeper into the trees, until they had no idea in which direction the school lay. And then they walked a bit deeper, until the trees were so thick above their heads that they all had to light their wands. And then they walked a little bit further, until the students felt sure that if they were left here, they would die trying to find their way out.
Then Professor Rumansa turned round and said, “OK, class! I’m leaving you here. First ones back to school get extra credit. Bye!”
And before the students could argue, an eagle swept out of nowhere and carried him off.
There was a silence as the students waited for someone else to comment first on this most peculiar and unfortunate situation.
This silence lasted for quite some time. And it wasn’t a particularly helpful silence, as all the noises in the surrounding forest – twigs being broken, paws padding over leaves, strange gruntings and tweetings in the distance – seemed twice as loud, and just reminded the students of how much of a pickle they were in.
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