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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 3, 2005 16:56:24 GMT -5
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh
*slightly deranged laughter*
This sounds extremely interesting.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 4, 2005 5:28:17 GMT -5
Hehehehe. I plan on leaving them there for a while, waiting for a plot development.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 4, 2005 12:07:54 GMT -5
*snerk*
Fun.
Updaaaaate... I like reading this.... And your other stuff....
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 5, 2005 6:05:10 GMT -5
Ummmm... OK.
***
“… so as you can see,” finished Darth Vader, “you trying to take over Middle-earth is causing us a few problems, because people are preferring your tale of good triumphing over evil to ours.”
Sauron didn’t reply, but continued to peruse the leaflet which Darth Vader had just given him, entitled ‘So you’ve got a NERD review coming up and another Evil Overlord is stealing your thunder'. “So what do you suggest?” he said eventually.
“Well,” said Darth Vader thoughtfully, “I’m not sure… the Emperor is the brains of our Sith partnership, I’m just the pretty face… but obviously, we can’t force you to stop trying to take over Middle-earth.”
“You could try,” said Sauron mildly, “But you would not do very well.”
Darth Vader bristled. “Our Star Destroyers would crush Mordor into dust.”
“My Nazgul would inspire terror into your men before you got within the atmosphere, and my Ring would corrupt your most steadfast of generals.”
“Our Death Star- but never mind this, this isn’t what I came to talk to you about,” said Darth Vader, quickly getting back onto the subject, “I’m asking you – as one Evil Lord Going For World Domination to another – is there some sort of deal we could make, which would be beneficial to both parties?”
Sauron pondered. If you have never seen a great flaming eyeball looking thoughtful, then you are far saner than I, but you’re missing out.
“I wonder, Darth Vader,” he said eventually, “whether you have ever heard the saying ‘If you cannot make yourself look better, make others look worse’?”
Darth Vader looked up. If it was possible, his mask looked intrigued. “What are you suggesting?”
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 5, 2005 6:05:52 GMT -5
OK, that bit was short. You can have more.
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, a meeting was taking place in one of the dungeons.
“So what you’re saying,” said Han Solo slowly, “is that if I add a hair of someone to this potion, then I take on their appearance?”
Severus Snape nodded, an odd smile on his face.
“Han, that’s perfect!” said Leia, smiling, “You’d look exactly like Aragorn…”
Han Solo frowned at her – she was looking a little too eager for him to turn into that Ranger. “I won’t be stuck like that, will I?”
“No,” replied Snape (Han didn’t know whether he was being paranoid, but Leia’s face seemed to fall) “It will only last for an hour… but remember, you must add a hair or similar from whichever person you want to turn into.”
“Right,” said Han, “We’ll have to go track down Aragorn, then – what did we do with him again?”
“Not sure,” said Leia, frowning thoughtfully, “I think Luke just chucked him through the nearest available plot hole… heaven knows where he ended up. Don’t worry, I kept a lock of his hair anyway,” she added, taking a lock of black hair out of her pocket.
Han stared at her. “WHY, exactly?”
“Well… thought it might be useful,” she said hurriedly, reddening slightly.
Han made a mental note to continue interrogating her about this later. “Cheers, Snape – if there’s anything we can do-”
“Actually,” interrupted Snape smoothly, “There is something…”
Han and Leia looked at him, an unexplainable sense of impending doom rising in them. “Oh, nothing too bad,” added Snape, “It’s more for your benefit than mine… I assume that soon your fandom will be moving against Hogwarts as well?”
“Oh, no-” said Leia innocently, but Han nodded and said, “Yeah. In fact, I’m surprised stormtroopers aren’t here now. You haven’t seen a seven-foot black half-man half-machine Sith overlord wandering around, have you?”
“Can’t say I have,” replied Professor Snape, “You see, I have little interest in the NERD review – even if we were to get funding, I doubt I’d see any of it – I just ask that when you do attack, you take Harry Potter with you, and preferably do something extremely nasty to him.”
Han and Leia glanced at each other and shrugged. “Seems perfectly reasonable. We’ll be back soon.”
“I look forward to it,” said Snape, a smile spreading across his face.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 5, 2005 12:36:26 GMT -5
*giggles*
Snape, snape, snape.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 6, 2005 4:28:46 GMT -5
Snape snape snape. I still can't accept that he's evil....
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 6, 2005 16:44:49 GMT -5
I KNOW! What was Rowling THINKING?
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 7, 2005 12:24:54 GMT -5
I don't think he is evil!! And I have reasons (SPOILER WARNING):
1. Dumbledore said "Severus... please..." Does begging seem very Dumbledore to you? He said himself, "To a well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." And he knew about the Unbreakable Vow - I think he was asking Snape to kill him, because he knew Snape was more valuable and otherwise Snape would die.
2. This would tally with his earlier argument with Snape in the Forbidden Forest which Hagrid told Harry about - Snape was protesting against something Dumbledore had ordered him to do. Maybe Dumbledore had ordered him that when the time came, to kill him?
3. Snape seemed more angry at the end than someone who had just achieved a great victory. He'd just killed Dumbledore, which should have been a magnificent triumph for him if he was evil, but when Harry catches up with him, he's acting more like someone who's distraught but can't show it.
4. One little thing which, I must admit, I didn't notice myself. When Harry is giving Dumbledore more and more of the potion in order to get at the Horcrux, it says that he's 'hating himself' and is 'repulsed by what he was doing'. When Snape sees Dumbledore in the tower, and Dumbledore begs him, his face is twisted with 'hatred and repulsion'. Of himself, perhaps?
Or maybe I just can't face the fact that Snape is, in fact, just a two-bit villain.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 7, 2005 19:45:52 GMT -5
AMEN! Preach it, sista!
What I can't get out of is, Why did Snape make the Unbreakable Curse at all? It was going against the Dark Lord, and Narcissa was begging him anyway. It would have been safer for him to not make it...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 8, 2005 5:43:34 GMT -5
Because Bellatrix was very very suspicious. If he had refused, she might have guessed that something was wrong, and told Voldemort anyway, and he might have become suspicious too. Note that he hesitates before agreeing to *censored*
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 8, 2005 5:44:36 GMT -5
Meanwhile, in a Galaxy far far away, a hobbit was helping himself to another drink out of the Imperial Shuttle Detention Area mini bar, and thinking to himself that, really, things could be a whole lot worse. He had been in the captivity of orcs before, and that had been far worse – at least these Imperial officers showered regularly, and didn’t steal all his clothes. Well, not yet, anyway. But they didn’t seem like the strip-search-then-not-give-clothes-back types.
He had been extremely surprised, having emerged from the sack, to discover that he wasn’t alone. Also in his cell was a dark-haired elf, whom he vaguely recognized from the Council of Elrond, and knew that quite a host of girls had latched upon to lust after.
“What are you doing here?” he had asked in surprise.
Figwit had shaken his head. “I have absolutely no idea… I can only assume they didn’t do their research very thoroughly…”
“Ah,” Frodo had replied, “Any idea what they’re planning to do with us?”
“Well, they’re trying to ruin our chances in the NERD review… so we can only hope that they’re going to detain us until it is past so that the canon falls to pieces without us.”
“Hope?” Frodo had said incredulously, “If that’s the best possible scenario, what’s the worst??”
“I’m trying not to think about it,” said Figwit delicately.
Frodo had shaken his head, thinking exasperatedly, ‘Elves…’ “Oh well,” he had replied briskly, “Could be worse. Is there anything to eat?”
“Mini-bar’s down there.” Figwit pointed into the corner, where a mini-bar was briefly visible, before it was blocked by a hobbit launching himself at it.
Yes, Frodo thought fifteen minutes later, having devoured all of the Toblerone, macadamia nuts, crisps and bonbons, and currently settling into his third can of Coke, things could be a whole lot worse. After all, they could be on their way to certain imprisonment and possible pain and death at the hands of a rival fandom while their own fell apart in their absence, but not have a mini-bar… Always best to look on the bright side.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 8, 2005 5:44:54 GMT -5
Aragorn opened his eyes, and quickly wished he hadn’t.
One glance around confirmed his worst fears – he had absolutely no idea where he was. He doubted he was even in Middle-earth, unless building techniques had really advanced in Minas Tirith in his absence, judging by the large skyscrapers towering over him.
He sat up and looked around, trying to deduce where he was from what he could see. He seemed to be in a large city, very similar to those in the Watching Dimensions… but everything had the slightly unreal, very well defined and perfectly lit feeling of a Fandom World. So he was in a different story, not in the Watching Dimensions.
Everything seemed to have a slightly green tinge, he noticed… or was that just an after-effect of that gun that woman had fired at him? At the memory of being shot by the blaster, his head gave a sulky throb – apparently it didn’t appreciate this kind of treatment and would be writing him a stern letter as soon as they were out of this mess.
A lot of people were milling about, but none of them gave him a second glance. He assumed this wasn’t a realistic fandom, then - this was probably a fandom where odd things happened regularly.
He started walking along the street, trying to find someone who looked like a major character, who might be able to get him out of here and back to Middle-earth. For a long time, he found no-one – but then he rounded a corner and found himself in a park, where a most peculiar battle was taking place.
One man in black and wearing sunglasses was fighting – was that Elrond? That other man looked like Elrond, as well – and that one – in fact, Aragorn thought in amazement, all the massive crowd attacking the man seemed to look like Elrond. Hundreds and hundreds of Elronds. And the man was somehow managing to keep them all at bay with a pole…
The man in black suddenly leapt into the air, and everything froze. Aragorn had a split second to glance around, seeing all the Elronds stop attacking, frozen in mid-air, when suddenly the world span round a full circle, sending Aragorn flying into a nearby bench. Then, just as quickly, the world unfroze, and the man’s leg flew out at the nearest Elrond, and the fight resumed as if nothing had happened.
Aragorn sat up from the ruins of the bench, feeling slightly dazed. But underneath his complete and utter bafflement, something was clicking into place… black coats and sunglasses… hundreds of Elronds… world randomly stopping and spinning around, as if it got bored if it stayed still too long…
“Hey!” he said suddenly, leaping to his feet, “HEY! MATRIX PEOPLE!”
The Elronds and the man in black immediately stopped fighting and turned to look at him. Several Elronds who’d been hurling themselves at the man in black stopped in mid-air, but unlike before, didn’t just hang there but plummeted to the ground.
“Who are you?” asked Neo.
“Aragorn,” replied Aragorn, stepping forwards, “Lord of the Rings fandom.”
“Oh,” said the man, “Hi, I’m Neo, Matrix fandom. And these are Agent Smith.”
“Hello,” they all said in unison.
“Hey,” said Aragorn, waving slightly uncertainly.
“What are you doing here?” asked Neo, and his face suddenly fell. “You’re not here with Mary-Sues, are you?”
“No, don’t worry,” assured Aragorn, “Why, you got a problem with them?”
“Well, not as much as some… we use them as bullet shields, usually, but they can get annoying…” shrugged Neo, “Then what are you doing here?”
Aragorn quickly explained about being attacked in the woods by people from the Star Wars fandom. “I think it’s because of the NERD review,” he said, “They’re trying to sabotage other stories so that theirs remains top…”
The Agents Smith all started muttering to each other. It was quite a sight. Aragorn had the idea they were all trying to be discreet, but it ended up sounding as though he was standing on a sand dune in a strong breeze.
“What do you think we should do?” asked Neo, frowning.
“Well… at the very least, find some way to get me home,” said Aragorn, “And for your own fandom, well, just look out for intruders, maybe send some people to the Watching Dimensions…”
“The Smiths can do that,” said Neo immediately, “There’s enough of them. But how to get you home… how did you get here?”
“I don’t know,” admitted Aragorn, “Plot hole, I think.”
“Hmmm,” said Neo, thinking, “We need a plothole that’ll take you to Middle-earth… Any suggestions?”
“A Lord of the Rings/ Matrix crossover Mary-Sue?” suggested Aragorn, “If they exist?”
Neo’s face broke into an unexpected smile. “In fact, we have several…”
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 8, 2005 18:47:27 GMT -5
LOL.
So true... They DO exist.
A good use for them is found at last!
Reading this makes me happy inside. ^.^
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 9, 2005 3:56:21 GMT -5
Oh, goodie!!!
I knew there had to be SOME good use for Mary-Sues...
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