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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 17, 2004 16:22:02 GMT -5
Katie, Kathryn and Jackie were heading down the beach when they heard someone shrieking "JAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!"
"Oh no," said Katie, "She's found him!"
Turning round, they sprinted back up the beach, to where Frankie had leapt upon Jack Sparrow and was tugging his hair with delight, saying "Beads! Beady beads!"
"FRANKIE! STOP!" shouted Katie, throwing caution to the winds and tackling her, sending her rolling down the beach away from Jack.
"Oooh, caution," said the wind happily, "Thanks!"
Frankie was none too happy about being tackled...
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 18, 2004 0:33:05 GMT -5
"None too happy" was a vile, disgusting understatement. To have reached fangirl nirvana only to be yanked cruelly out of it by a fierce tackle from a dear friend made Frankie more than slightly grumpy.
In fact, Frankie became a fierce, snarling mass. "My PRECIOUS!" She wailed, "my precious is lost!!!"
"Um, she's not always like this," Katie gasped, struggling with Frankie. "Ouch! No biting!"
"Sorry?" asked Jack vaguely.
"Not you," Katie sighed.
"Jack? Jack Sparrow?"
"Captain!"
"Right, of course." Jackie grinned and presented her hand for a handshake. "I'm Jackie. Really."
Jack blinked at her hand for a moment, then took it in his own. "We have an accord!"
Jackie smiled uncertainly and took her hand back. "Um, okay..."
"Jackie!" Katie snapped.
"Oh, right..." Jackie hurried to help Katie, who was having an exceptional amount of trouble, especially since Frankie had heard her beloved's voice.
"Captain Sparrow," Katie gasped, standing and leaving Jackie to deal with Frankie, "We have a situation..."
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Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 18, 2004 15:41:17 GMT -5
"This, uh, situation wouldn't have anything to do with her trying to tackle me, would it?" Jack asked tentatively.
"I'm afraid it does," replied Katie.
"OUCH! SHE SAID NO BITING!" screeched Jackie, adding, "We should never have let you see Lemony Snicket! You're turning into Sunny!"
"Hehehe, grrrr, gnash, chomp, gnaw..." giggled Frankie, before she remembered why Jackie was restraining her in the first place. "JACKY-KIN!!!" she squealed.
"Did you just call me Jackie-kin?" asked Jackie.
"NO!! I CALLED JACKY-KIN JACKY-KIN!!"
"Huh?"
"I think she means you, Cap'n," said Katie.
"Oh. HEY!! That's CAPTAIN Jacky-kin!" he admonished.
Jackie and Katie both gave him an odd look, while Frankie apologised grovellingly and started making innuendos about become his "first mate", and how she'd be completely faithful, the latter of which went along the lines of "I'd never leave you, ever, ever, ever! I don't know why Barbossa would ever want to be mutinous and leave you anyway! He must have been jealous of your sexy good looks, because, let's face it, you're hot!"
Jack, while being flattered, was also a little bit scared, and so looked to Jackie and Katie for help. Jackie went over and restrained Frankie, while Katie offered kind words of comfort. "Be thankful. She could be worse. She's started talking in coherent, albeit babbling, sentences. That means the fangirl curse is weakening."
The first thought that passed through Jack's mind upon hearing this was "Curse?! I don't have to go fight more cursed pirates, do I?" but instead, voiced his second thought.
"So she'll leave me alone when the curse is lifted?"
"Uh... will you help lift it?" asked Katie.
"If it means she'll leave me alone, then here's to curse-lifting!" he said, raising his bottle of rum that he always kept handy.
"Then, yes, she'll leave you alone," lied Katie, while Jackie forced herself to restrain herself from laughing.
"I'LL NEVER LEAVE HIM ALONE!! NEVER!! I JUST PROMISED MY FAITHFUL UNDYING WORSHIP TO HIM!!!" screamed Frankie, causing a look of great shock to appear upon Jack's face.
"Uh, don't worry, that's just the curse talking," said Katie quickly, although fearing that she would be proved wrong if and when the curse was lifted. And, well, if it wasn't, then it wouldn't be too different from living with the normal Frankie anyway when it came to the squealing at Jack Sparrow.
"Just one thing..." said Jack.
PS: Geez, sorry it's so long! I got carried away!!
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 19, 2004 9:51:41 GMT -5
(That's OK, Frankie! It was good!)
"What?" said Katie nervously.
"When you landed on this here beach, you had two others with you, didn't you?" said Jack.
"Yes, why?"
"Well, they were just going off that way, and I saw some massive rabbit following them. I thought it was just the rum, till I heard your story."
Katie swore loudly and raucously. So raucously that even Frankie was distracted from her fangirlish frenzy (oooh, alliteration) and blinked.
"Bob! That is so unlike you!" she said. She then saw Jack again, and leapt at him in a fresh attempt to steal his beads, his pretty pretty beads.
"We need to go and find them!" said Kathryn, "But how are we going to get Frankie to move?..."
Katie looked thoughtful. "Jack..." she said, "I think the only way she'll come happily is if... um...."
"What?" said Jack nervously.
"Well, it may seem a bit weird, but remember, if the rabbit destroys Christmas, that's the low-price Christmas rum out the window."
Jack paled. "Whatever it is, I'll do it."
Which is how they ended up running along the beach, Jack giving an almost bliss-induced catatonic Frankie a piggy-back.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 19, 2004 10:00:32 GMT -5
"Piggy-back, piggy-back, piggy-back rock," sang Frankie to the tune of Jinglebell rock, getting into the festive spirit. She was playing with Jack's hair, plaiting it in what she felt was an elven style. "LOOK! Now he's Leggy-kin and Jacky-kin all in one! He's the new Figwit! As in 'Figwit is grea- who is that?!' Although I think the name Jack still suits him better..."
"She's scaring me..." said Jack quietly, not wishing to get her angry, as she was afraid of what she might do.
"Oh don't worry about it, she'd never do anything to hurt you. She's in Fangirl phase 4 - calm worship and admiration."
"She doesn't seem that calm to me!"
"Oh, that's just her natural hyperness calmed down. You should see her when she isn't in the calm stage..." said Katie ominously.
Jack's eyes widened in horror, fear, terror, shock, and many other unpleasant emotions, but not ones like jealousy or guilt, because that would just be silly.
The group continued to trudge along the beach, except for Frankie, whose feet didn't even touch the ground, because Jack was doing all the trudging for her. It was then that they heard a scream ringing through the air...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 19, 2004 10:15:04 GMT -5
"MORT! NOO!" they heard Helen crying, "WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?"
They ran faster, terrified at what they might find. What they did find, however, was completely unexpected.
Mort was sitting on the ground, next to a demolished sand Wob-Wob, looking up at Helen bewilderedly. "Seriously, Helen, why did you think finding me pink wrapping paper and Jack Sparrow would make me hyper? Pink's so girly. And give me Elizabeth any day..." He settled into a happy daydream.
"NOOO!" wailed Helen.
"He's gone... manly," said Kathryn in amazement, "But how??"
"Look," said Jackie, pointing. On the ground, a little way away, lay the empty shells of a blue easter egg.
There was a solemn silence for the loss of Mort's pink-loving abilities.
"I'm a real door," giggled Frankie, ruining the moment slightly.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 19, 2004 10:23:15 GMT -5
"What are we going to do?" asked Katie, as she comforted Helen.
"Oh stop being such prissies," said Mort. "You're acting so effeminately."
This sent Helen into a fresh wave of anguished sobs, while Jackie tried to point out that they were, in fact, girls, and so were perfectly entitled to be effeminate.
"How are we ever going to get him back to normal?" asked Kathryn.
"Well, we could either wait til it wears off, as we're doing with Frankie..." said Katie, but then turned to see Frankie chasing Jack around trying to hug him. "Or we could try and reverse the curse." She added, "Hehe, reverse curse, I rhyme..."
"What, you mean, recampify him?" asked Jackie.
"That could work," said Helen, "but who's camp enough to recampify Mort?!"
There was silence as the group thought for a while.
"Oh for goodness' sake," said Frankie annoyedly, "there's only one person THAT camp that's not already in showbusiness!"
...The silence continued.
"DAVID!"
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Post by Morty on Dec 21, 2004 9:08:27 GMT -5
In the meantime, Helen was whispering to Katie.
"I tihnk I have an idea. There's something that may revert him back to his old self withough David's help."
What is it?" Katie asked anxiously.
"An attack chicken, of course. But, namely the leader." She wrung her hands desperately, a sure sign that she was worried about her twin. Glancing over at Frankie, she added,
"I can only hope we find something for Frankie as well."
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 22, 2004 1:31:38 GMT -5
There were several useful things Jackie could have been doing. What all of them were, Jackie didn't know, but she was sure there were many. The useful thing she chose to do, however, was ponder.
And so she did.
She pondered a great amount.
And at long last, she ended with her typical brilliance.
"David!" She burst. "Of course! Who else but David?" Her eyes shifted uncomfortably and leaned in to the whispering Katie and Helen. "Who's David?"
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 22, 2004 21:37:50 GMT -5
"David?" said Katie disbelievingly, and then got a strange look in her eyes. She gazed off into the distance. Music started playing.
"Oh boy," said Kathryn, "She's having a flashback."
"From the first moment I met David," said Katie dramatically, "He was the campest boy I had ever met. He was camp in the style of Jack from 'Will and Grace'. He was camper than Legolas, even. He was fascinated by pink and fairy wings. David WAS Camp David..." She trailed off, and the music stopped with a ZIIIP. "THAT is who David is!" she said irritably.
"I am hard and yet soft, I am coloured and yet clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly.... what am I?" burbled Frankie.
"Stop being so immature," snapped Mort.
Frankie's lower lip trembled. "Mortyyyy?"
Katie put on her thinking cap - which was purple and fluffy, with a silver tassle. "We need to find David, and the attack chickens," she said, "Oh, and the easter bunny, of course... but how are we going to do that?"
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Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 22, 2004 21:45:46 GMT -5
Katie's ponderings and wonderings were cut short by Frankie bursting into tears.
"MORTY'S GOT MEAN!"
"Oh, can it, you pathetic little baby," said Mort.
This was met by a fresh wave of hysterical sobs on the part of Frankie, while Helen whapped him round the head.
"Stop being such a jerk."
"I'm not. She started it."
"Now who's being the baby?"
"YOU!"
"Oh, that's real mature, Mort..."
"Takes one to know one!"
"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP!!!" screeched Katie. "I'M TRYING TO THINK!!"
"Good luck," mutted Mort.
This, of course, earned him another whap around the head, this time from Katie, while Jackie and Kathryn were trying to calm Frankie down with brownies and pink fluffy things.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 22, 2004 21:58:00 GMT -5
"I'VE GOT IT!!!" said Katie suddenly, making everyone jump, and Frankie drop all her pink fluffy things, causing her to break into fresh sobs.
"Got what?" said Jack Sparrow, who everyone seemed to have forgotten about.
"What would bring David?" said Katie.
"The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom in fairy wings!" said Kathryn.
"What would bring the attack chickens?"
There was a slight silence. "Ammunition chances," said Katie, "They always use Harry Potter chocolate eggs for ammo. And what would bring the easter bunny?"
"Sannnna!!" cheered Frankie.
"I think that was supposed to be 'Santa'," said Helen.
"Exactly!" said Katie, jumping up and down excitedly, "So... all we need to do is have all these in one place." She switched her thinking cap for her authoratative cap, which was turquoise with flashing stars.
"Kathryn, go and fetch Will Turner!" she ordered.
"Love to!" squealed Kathryn, running off down the beach going, "YAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaay...."
"Jackie, go and fetch some Harry Potter dragon eggs!"
"Righto!!" Jackie ran off as well.
"Helen, keep whapping Mort round the head!"
"Certainly," said Helen, and did so.
"Jack, play with Frankie!"
"Do I have to?" moaned Jack.
"Yes. Play fairies." Jack moaned again, but obligingly started prancing around the beach with Frankie.
"What's your plan, Katie?" said Helen, pausing in whapping Mort round the head.
Katie had taken out her merry-making hat, which was, in fact, very similar to a Santa hat. She had an evil smile on her face. "Well, I never liked The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom much... now he's going to be part of a plan, AND may suffer a little pain." She paused for dramatic effect, allowing the music to well up again. "We're going to get all three here at once!"
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Post by Beloved Fool on Dec 23, 2004 12:57:05 GMT -5
Mort was still sitting on the ground where he had been previously making sand Wob-Wobs. He frowned. Something strange was happening inside his head and he couldn't figure out what it was. Everyone was talking around him and to him like he was acting out of character or something. He shook his head and his lip curled.
Ridiculous.
He heard Katie tell his sister to keep hitting around the head and sighed.
What idiots...
All that was really bothering him at the moment was the little nudges his brain was giving him whenever he looked at Jack Sparrow, who was currently playing fairies with Frankie.
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Post by themusicman on Dec 24, 2004 10:27:34 GMT -5
"Oh my God, what have they done to you sweetie!!!" said David, as he rushed in to attend to the chronic masculinity, "I mean, look at what you're wearing, it looks like a chav's dressed you! Stand up, go behind this screen, that's it darling, you put some nice clothes on..."
David began the process of camping up Mort again. It took a while, but David kept himself entertained in the boring bits by flirting with Jack, who was by this time, bored of playing with Frankie.
He changed his clothes, his hair (some nice highlights made it look all camp again) and gave him some impromptu lessons in camp talk, discussing the finer points of white wine, Will and Grace, and gaydars (including all the gossip David's heard about his music teacher...heheheh...)
"There sweetie, you're all camped up now" said David. "Thanks me dear, you've done a great job. But wait, how did you know that I was in such peril??" "I didn't, I just saw The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom and followed him!!" "But where's The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of then..."
Just as Mort finished, Kathryn came running in, dragging The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom in, dressed, of course, in leather hotpants. "Oh buggar, looks like you found David already then..." Kathryn and David then drag The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom behind the handy screen that happened to be there...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 24, 2004 14:17:01 GMT -5
"Um, no, not now," said Katie firmly, dragging The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of back out from behind the screen, and throwing brownies with pink icing to distract Kathryn and David.
She sat The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of in the middle of the beach, put the santa hat on his head, and made him hold the basket of dragon eggs which Jackie had just returned with.
"There you go!" she said cheerily, "Bye!"
"Wait!" protested The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of, wearing the Puppy Dog LookTM, "What am I supposed to do?"
"Sit there and wait to be attacked by the Easter bunny and some attack chickens," said Katie cheerily, patting him on the head and going back to hide behind the sand dune with the others.
"You know, we technically don't need the attack chickens any more," observed Jackie.
"I realize that," said Katie, "But still. How perfect a camera opportunity would it be?"
They waited there, watching the slightly confused-looking The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of sitting on the beach. But, just as they were giving up hope, they heard two sounds.
One, the far-off stampeding of many small feet.
The other, the *BOING* noise which only comes from one rabbit...
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