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Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 26, 2004 1:38:41 GMT -5
"Isn't this more than a little mean?" Jackie asked, watching Bloom's face grow more and more apprehensive. "I mean, sure, he's fun to make fun of, but he's not THAT bad, is he? Look, all I'm saying is, isn't this a bit... extreme?"
Frankie, Katie, and the others stared at her as if she were completely mad.
"Forget it," Jackie mumbled, sinking into the sand.
The boinging sound was getting louder, and Bloom was getting paler. "Why exactly am I doing this again? Guys?" His voice cracked.
Katie was beset by giggles, but then sobered. Frankie would be getting a kick out of this, she thought, if only she were back to normal.
Bloom suddenly realized he had a choice. He didn't need to wait on this beach in a santa hat and holding a basket of dragon eggs just because some teenagers told him to. "That's it, I'm out of here!"
"You can't DO that!" Helen shouted, standing up quickly, but she was pulled back down.
"It's too late," Katie hissed.
"What do you mean?" Helen demanded, watching Bloom stagger across the sand. "He's barely got a head start, and he can't run in those pants!"
"That's not what she means," Kathryn said, pointing the oppposite way.
Sure enough, the Easter Bunny bounded into view, taking huge jumps in order to catch the fleeing actor. Trailing behind him were the attack chickens, fairly flying across the sand despite the physical impossibility.
"Oh," Said Helen, sitting down again.
"Don't bump me," Katie protested, video camera pressed to her eye. "Peter Jackson, eat your heart out."
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 26, 2004 10:02:44 GMT -5
However, elf-boy didn't get very far before the easter bunny landed on top of him. With a bunny-like cackle, it grabbed onto the terrified english fangirl-candy and shoved him into his egg basket, and went bounding away again along the beach.
"Nooooo!" wailed David and Mort.
"Now what?" hissed Kathryn.
Katie was busy checking her video camera. "Hmm? What? Oh, now, I guess... uh... we follow the rabbit!"
Everyone quickly scrambled over the top of the sand dune and took off down the beach, running after the massive rabbit, Jack again giving Frankie a piggy-back. In fact, by now Frankie was almost recovered, but she wasn't about to point that out.
However, after a few moments, the rabbit had vanished from view. "NOW what?" said Jackie.
"Don't worry," said Katie, "We'll be able to track him."
"How??"
"I put a tape of 'The Lord of the Rings' being read into a CD player into meerkat-elf's pocket. I can hear anything about LOTR being mentioned from miles away. LOTR radar, I call it." She paused for a moment, listening. "THIS WAY!"
"One moment," said Jack, "I think we may have a little problem."
"What's that?"
"Them." Jack pointed behind them. Much to their horror - especially Mort's, the poor traumatized lad - behind them were the legions of attack chickens. And they had creme eggs.
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Post by Morty on Dec 27, 2004 10:55:43 GMT -5
A flash flood of memories were washing across Mort's poor brain. his eyes opened wide and he pointed at the oncoming horde.
"Bu-b-bu-" he said. Helen put an arm around his shoulders and patted him on the head.
"I know," she said soothingly. "I know, I-"
A creme egg hit her on the centre of her forhead and she was too stunned to continue.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 29, 2004 9:15:33 GMT -5
"HELLO?!" said Katie, "I gave you weapons for a reason?? Fight back!!"
Everyone else pulled out whatever weapons Katie had given them, ranging from swords to sporks to spatulas. Mort, however, was too busy hiding underneath Helen's stunned body, muttering, "Not the dress, not the dress, not the dress again..."
"We ought to be fine," said Katie, trying to keep calm as the attack chicken army advanced, "As long as they don't have-"
"What's that?????" shrieked Frankie at a much higher pitch than was dramatically necessary, pointing at the sand dunes. A black group was swarming over it... a black waddling group.
Katie sighed in irritation. "As long as they haven't allied themselves with the penguins."
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Post by Morty on Dec 31, 2004 8:57:23 GMT -5
The penguins came into view. Katie sighed and slapped the palm of her hand to her forehead.
"Geez.."
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jan 3, 2005 11:51:02 GMT -5
"Awwww, lookit the penguins..." cooed Frankie.
"Awww?! AWWWW?! Are you insane?! The penguins are psychotic!" yelled Katie.
"But they're so cyoot!"
"They're cute but psychotic!"
"Like me!"
Frankie ignored the awkward silence that followed as she grinned hyperactively and finished plaiting Jack's hair.
"Uh, yes, dear, ok then..." said Katie, tactfully.
Frankie started singing a random tune that had no words other than la, and, for that matter, no real tune. This, of course, didn't make any difference to her, of course, but it wasn't long before Katie slapped her to shut her up.
"SHUT UP! I need to be able to hear the tape, and I can't hear it if you're singing!!!"
Frankie became quiet as her bottom lip started to quiver, and the rest of the group were quiet as Katie listened for the sound of the tape for fear of invoking her wrath.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jan 4, 2005 11:17:16 GMT -5
Katie stood still, listening hard. Sure enough, she soon picked up someone saying, "It will be a grey ship, full of ghosts..."
"Got it! That way!" she said, pointing down the beach, towards an ice-cream van which shouldn't have been there because it was the Caribbean, but who really cares any more?
"So who was saying it?" asked Kathryn.
"Not telling," said Katie, "Nya."
The group ran down the beach as fast as they could, Frankie giggling with delight, which was rather inappropriate considering the pursuing attack chickens.
"When will she be back to normal?" groaned Jack.
Katie looked at him blankly. "Dear, she never WAS normal. We're trying to get her insane again."
"Oh," said Jack, "Right."
Jackie and Kathryn were running at the back of the group, throwing HP eggs behind them to stall the chickens.
"You know," said Kathryn thoughtfully after a while, "It might be easier to stall them with things they're NOT going to threaten us with."
"Good point," said Jackie, "Let's stop."
"No, let's not, and say we did."
"OK!" giggled Jackie delightedly.
They continued to run down the beach, searching for the easter bunny, The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom and the next plot development, fleeing attack chickens... yes, this was an average Christmas so far.
"LOOOOOK!!" said Frankie suddenly and dramatically, pointing in front of them. The group skidded to a halt, as did the attack chickens behind them, sensing the drama of the moment.
"Wow!" said Kathryn, "A rabbit-shaped hole in the air, leading into a parallel dimension!"
"No, not that," said Frankie exasperatedly, hitting her on the head, "There's an ice-cream van next to it!!"
"ICE-CREAM!!!!!" cheered Mort and David.
"RABBIT SHAPED INTER-DIMENSIONAL PORTAL!!!" cheered Katie, "EVERYONE THROUGH!"
"But I want ice-cream..." wailed Frankie.
"Tough," said Katie, "You can go and get ice-cream, and face inevitable egging by the attack chickens... but Jack Sparrow's coming this way." She pulled Jack through the rabbit-shaped hole in the air with her, and they vanished from view.
There was a moment's pause, in which Frankie did her deliberating-Boo-dance of hopping from one foot to the other, going "Oh, um, er, um..." Then they all dived through the portal after them.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jan 7, 2005 18:30:09 GMT -5
As they whizzed through a space-agey looking portal that you see in cheap and tacky films, that was brightly psychidelically coloured, they thought of how much Alex would have loved to be there to see the rainbowness of the situation.
Katie turned to see Frankie glaring at her, and this wasn't the usual type of pouty glare, this was a serious death glare. Katie's eyes widened, and she quickly turned away from Frankie just to avoid her glaring glary glare. She soon looked back to see if she was still doing it, and, sure enough, she was.
"Why are you looking at me like that?!" she shrieked, terrified, as she'd never seen Frankie glare so glarily before.
"You know," Frankie said shortly and ominously, with heavy undertones of forthcoming doom, the latter of which are also found in conversations regarding the feature-length film of The Magic Roundabout.
"No, I really don't."
Frankie just glared. Katie tried to ignore her again, but felt the glare burning into her from behind.
"AAAAAAAAH!!!" Katie screamed as she realised the burning was Frankie preparing to weld a giant metal "kick me" sign to her back. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"I'm preparing to weld a giant metal "kick me" sign to your back. Why?"
"WHY?!"
"Yeah, why?"
"No, I don't mean why as in an exclamation of surprise and disbelief at your previous question of why, I mean why as in the usual context of the word why, that is to say 'Why are you preparing to weld a giant metal "kick me" sign to my back?'"
"Oh ok."
There was a slight pause, the silence of which was only broken by David's giggling as he realised that, in their current state of mid-air/portal suspension, he could somersault to his heart's content, and proceeded to do so.
"...Are you going to answer?" asked Katie.
"Answer what?" asked Frankie.
"WHY ARE YOU PREPARING TO WELD A GIANT METAL "KICK ME" SIGN TO MY BACK?!"
"Oh, because you made me choose between ice cream and Jack, and that's just unforgivable. *sniff* I wanted a whippy..."
"Well, I think the others would agree with me that it was for the be-" Katie started, but was cut off by Mort.
"I wanted a whippy, too! And that was really mean, Katie!"
"I like whippies," said David pensievely, then scolded Katie for making Frankie make such a tough decision. To do this, he merely poked her.
"Ow!" said Katie, overreacting. "I was just trying to save your lives!"
"At what price, Katie?" asked Frankie, very dramatically. "At what price?"
"Uh..."
"AT THE PRICE OF ICE-CREAM!!! AND THAT'S A VERY HIGH PRICE!!!"
"No, it's not," argued David. "Whippies only cost about 80p."
"EXACTLY! IT'S NOT LIKE WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT!" screamed Frankie.
Jackie and Kathryn had been watching the entire ordeal with interest, but eventually, decided it would be a good time to step in.
"Hey, look! Up ahead!" shouted Kathryn over the kerfuffle.
"It's another rabbit-shaped hole, and it goes back into a dimension!"
Suddenly everyone's attentions turned to the hole, and as they approached it, they heard a cheerful voice saying, "Thank you for riding Dimenso Portalways! This portal terminates at the next stop. Please may all portal passengers disembark the portal at this stop. Have a good day, and, once again, thank you for riding Dimenso Portalways, where every portal is a party!" The portal (or the group, they weren't sure how it worked), slowed down, and there was a simultaneous group gasp as they came to a halt...
PS: Eep, another long post! But I couldn't let it drop somewhere without anything to help the next person carry it on!
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jan 7, 2005 18:51:20 GMT -5
.... in Ice-cream land.
It may interest you to know that it was not just called this as a nice title. For example, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is probably called that just as a nice title, as it actually has very little to do with a Goblet of Fire, and mainly has to do with a boy called Harry Potter and wizards and the like.
No, it was called Ice-cream land because it was a land filled with ice-cream.
They found themselves knee-deep in chocolate and strawberry ice-cream; various lollies and cones sprouted out of the ground like trees; there were frozen lakes of ice lollies and rivers of chocolate sauce; and falling from the sky were soft flakes of ice-cream, hundreds and thousands, chocolate sprinkles and everything else that goes on ice-creams.
No-one happened to record just how long the group stood there gazing at this wonderful place in astonishment, but I happen to know that it was about four minutes and two seconds. Then, the silence was finally broken by Kathryn saying, rather understatedly, "Whoaness."
At this, Frankie squealed excitedly and sprinted away across the frozen landscape, squealing, "WHIPPY MOUNTAIN!!!! WHIPPY MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!!!"
And there was much frolicking in this ice-cream landscape.
Only Katie, doomed forever to be the thoughtful one in this story, sat there slowly eating a massive hole in the chocolate ice-cream ground, occasionally moving over to the strawberry one when she felt like a different taste, did stop to wonder why the Easter Bunny had come here... and where it was now.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jan 7, 2005 19:12:47 GMT -5
Of course, Katie was the only thoughtful one in the story, and so was the only one thinking this. The others, however, were having a splendiferous time frolicking among the ice creams. Mort was licking the ground; Kathryn was chomping on an ice-cream flower. Jackie was making an attempt at being civilised by grabbing a spoon, but soon realised it was too small. David, on the other hand, was bringing new meanings to the phrase "tree-hugger", as not only was he hugging the tree, he was licking it as well.
"I love you, tree..." he said dreamily. "You're my new best friend. Until I finish eating you, at which point that other ice-cream tree over there will be my new best friend."
Jack didn't appear too interested in the ice-cream, as he said he didn't have much of a sweet-tooth.
"They have rum and raisin ice-cream over there," pointed Katie, "you could always try that." By the time she said this, though, Jack had already manically run over to the rum and raisin area and was licking every part of the rum and raisin-ness that he could get his tongue on.
Meanwhile, Frankie had run off to Whippy Mountain, and her previous reaction to her lack of Whippy told the others that they should stay away from it and let her have it to herself. They didn't want to wake up with metal signs welded to their backs. After several hours, the others had grown tired and sat down in a circle, waiting until Frankie got back, but from the large amounts of ice cream, fell asleep from tiredness and fullness.
A few hours later, Katie woke up to discover that Whippy Mountain had mysteriously disappeared, and Frankie was still nowhere to be seen. Katie shook the others to wake them up. "We need to find Frankie. I can't see her, and we have to get going. I'm worried something's happened, I can't see Whippy Mountain anymore - it's gone! We don't know what that bunny's planning."
At that moment, Frankie came staggering over the slight hill they had rested on, groaning in pain.
"Frankie, are you ok?" asked Jackie. Frankie groaned in reply.
"What's wrong?" inquired Kathryn. Frankie groaned in reply.
"Frankie, do you want a hug?" asked Jack, foolishly.
"Can't..." groaned Frankie. This sent the group into a frenzied panic, as Frankie would never, and I mean NEVER, turn down a hug from Jack.
"Oh my God, she's sick, someone get a doctor!"
"We've got to find out what's wrong!"
"This is the worst thing that could happen to her!"
Katie, still being the calm and thoughtful one, asked, "Frankie, what's wrong?"
"Brainfreeze..."
"Too much ice cream?" Instead of groaning, Frankie nodded in reply.
"So what happened to Whippy Mountain? We woke up and it was gone!"
"Why do you think I have such bad brainfreeze?" Frankie answered.
There was a stunned silence.
And more stunned silence.
And yet more stunned silence.
After a couple more seconds of stunned silence, Katie asked, although she thought she already knew the answer, "...Frankie? Did you eat the entire Whippy Mountain?"
"....Yes."
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jan 7, 2005 19:23:19 GMT -5
"Frankie!!!!" groaned Katie in exasperation, "You must be the only person to come to a new dimension, and within the first 24 hours eat an entire mountain."
"But it was sooo goooood...." said Frankie, lying on her back and a little blissful smile creeping onto her face. "There was whippy... and then more whippy... and then more whippy... and then-"
"More whippy?" sighed Jackie.
"No, funnily enough then there was a flake," said Frankie, smile widening and closing her eyes, "I found a flake mine... ate that too..."
"We need to move on," said Katie, "The Easter bunny might-"
"NOOOO!!!!!!!!" wailed everyone.
"I can't leave my dear friend!" said David, clutching onto his latest tree friend, "We have so much to share, and to learn!"
"Oh come on David, all you want to learn is whether it has a chocolate centre," said Katie exasperatedly.
David glared. "True, but it is an essential part of friendship."
"I have a chocolate centre!" giggled Frankie.
Katie sighed. "Fine. You stay here and eat, I'LL go look for the easter bunny."
"OK!" said everyone happily, settling down to wait for their stomachs to recover before another eating spree.
Katie stared. "Going off on my own... dangerous..."
"Take care," called Frankie sleepily.
"Might not come back..." continued Katie, "Easter bunny out there somewhere..."
"Katie, we get what you're saying," said Mort reassuringly, "We'll save you some ice-cream while you're gone."
Katie gave up and strode off into the ice-cream landscape.
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jan 7, 2005 19:46:03 GMT -5
As Katie strode, she muttered, and as she muttered, she strode. Soon enough, she got tired of striding, and walked normally, even if it did mean she lost the title she gave herself of "Strider the Second" or "Strider II". And as she wasn't striding, she didn't feel it appropriate to mutter. So she grumbled.
"Stupid ice-cream eating layabouts," she grumbled. "Can't even do a quest properly because they're eating ice cream." She jumped over a log made out of a Twister, but not before taking a lick to refresh herself. "I'm the only one who's bothered to do anything. Annoying people, can't even come and help me rescue The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom from the Easter Bunny because they're eating literal mountains of ice cream..." She stopped, as she realised how strange this sounded when said aloud. Not the part about the Easter Bunny, and not the part about the literal mountains of ice cream. It was the part about rescuing The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom that sounded strange. For a while, she couldn't remember WHY she was trying to rescue him, so she sat on a tub of Ben and Jerry's, which, because they were in Ice Cream Land, was actually rather huge, and she pondered.
"Why AM I trying to rescue him?" she said aloud to herself. "I'll text Frankie and she can ask the others if they remember. That's if I can get signal here..." She got out her mobile phone, and, fortunately, as is appropriate in every story with the exception of the Series of Unfortunate Events books, she found that she did have signal.
"Why.. are.. we.. rescuing... OB.. from.. the.. Easter.. bunny...?" she said as she typed in the message. She sent it, and sat down patiently waiting for a reply. An hour passed, and by this point, Katie had opened the tub of Ben and Jerry's, which, conveniently, was Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavour, when finally, Katie's phone beeped.
"'Don't know'," she read, "'come back here, we can talk about it over some ice-cream.' That's it? All that time and such a short message?!? Ugh!" The latter noise was Katie's grunt of discontent that cannot accurately be described when written down, as it cannot be described using onomatopeia other than grunted, and it's not an entirely pleasant noise. Nonetheless, no one was around, and Katie was annoyed, so she grunted again. "UGH!"
When she eventually made it back to the group, she asked Frankie why it had taken her so long to reply.
"Well my hands were covered in ice cream, so I spent 10 minutes kicking off my shoes and opening up my phone with my feet, which, as you can see are the cleanest bits of my body," she replied, although it was hard to tell, as, since she had sent the message, she had been walking around barefoot, and now her feet were covered in ice cream too. "Then I spent ages trying to reply to your message using my toes, which is harder than it sounds!"
"It sounds very hard," Katie admitted.
Frankie was taken aback by such an admission.
"Yes, uh, um, ok, well, that just shows you how hard it is then, doesn't it?"
"I guess," said Katie in a defeated way. She was tired, sick of ice cream, and she still couldn't remember why she had been trying to rescue The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom in the first place...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jan 7, 2005 19:53:56 GMT -5
Then she suddenly remembered.
"We're not trying to save The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom!" she said, hitting herself on the head, "We're trying to save Christmas! Remember, the Easter Bunny's going kidnap Santa!"
"Saaannaaa!" cried Frankie half-heartedly, but that was the best response she got. The rest just went, "Oh yeah, that..."
"SO? Are you coming?"
"Oh yeah," mumbled Jackie, head buried in a pile of marshmallows she'd found, "We'll get right on that. In the morning."
"Morning, yeah," agreed everyone.
"Morning?? There is no such thing as morning here! It's perpetually pink sky! There's no time passing!"
"PINK????????????" cried Frankie, "HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS???????" She immediately lay down and stared up at the pink sky, and sighed happily.
Katie groaned. "So am I off on my own again?"
"Looks like it," said Jack, from where he had collapsed against a particularly large chocolate chip, "Good luck to you."
"Fine," said Katie, once again striding off into the landscape.
This time, she didn't stop striding, until, quite far away from the others, she found something. A rabbit-shaped footprint in the ground. And a few metres away, another one. She started following the trail of rabbit prints.
And soon, she could hear Lord of the Rings...#nosmileys
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Post by Paranoid Android on Jan 12, 2005 7:25:14 GMT -5
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or, to put it more accurately, the clearing where the other members of the group were resting, a scream was heard in the distance.
"Ya think that was Katie?" asked Kathryn.
"Yep," replied Frankie.
"Are you sure?"
"Yep."
"How?"
"How what?"
"How are you sure?"
"Oh, I make her scream with surprise and terror all the time, so I can tell when it's her."
"She's screaming in terror?!?!"
"No, she's screaming in surprise."
"Oh."
"Guuuys, shut up..." moaned David. "I'm trying to have a conversation with the tree..."
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jan 12, 2005 7:40:35 GMT -5
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or rather at the OTHER clearing where Katie had just happened across the Easter Bunny and The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom, Katie was indeed screaming.
But not in horror, or surprise, as Frankie said... it was with both, mingled with delighted amusement.
"YOU HAVE A PINK BOW ON YOUR HEAD!!!!" she giggled madly, pointing at The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom.
The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom glared. "I was aware of that fact."
"It looks SILLY!"
"I was aware of that too. The bunny put it on me... said it made me look more Eastery."
"Yes, meerkat-boy, whatever you say, I'll believe you..." Katie sighed and shook her head, and mimed opening a book. "Kids..."
The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of wisely chose to ignore this. "Are you here to save me from the Easter Bunny?"
"Uhhhh...." It took Katie a couple of moments to remember. "I guess," she shrugged, "I was actually here to defeat the Easter Bunny, and save Christmas, but I guess I could rescue you... oooh, I could auction you on e-bay! I bet lots of fangirls would bid on you... Come on, my little sword-money-earner!"
"As much as that plan fills me with happiness," said The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of, so sarcastically that an ice cream tree nearby melted, "there's a slight problem."
"What's that?"
"That the Easter Bunny is standing right next to you, looking extremely mad, and is holding an Egg of Doom labelled 'FOR KATIE'."
"Oooh, present!!" Katie turned eagerly and grabbed it.
And then several things happened at once.
The Easter bunny cackled in a very Count Olaf way. "Ha ha ha heepa-heepa ho! Tee hee tort tort tort! Hot cha ha ha! Sniggle hee! Ha, if I do say so myself!"
The Meerkat We Do Not Speak Of Bloom groaned, "Oh no, not again..."
And the egg exploded in a flash of purple and silver glitter all over Katie.
Also, if this had been a film instead of a message board story, the orchestra would have played a dramatic chord. Like this: DOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!
Instead, we must settle for a certain rainbow-clad violinist, who had just appeared in the landscape...
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