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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 12, 2005 14:16:41 GMT -5
LOL.
You read it aloud in public???
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 13, 2005 14:01:39 GMT -5
We DID.... note past tense.
*shame*
But that was nothing. On the way back from london, Frankie and my friend Gemma spent most of it discussing in loud stage whispers whether I could possible have a nose, and then started strongly suggesting to me that I let them remove it.
Frankie and I still look shocked whenever anyone admits they have a nose. We are in strict denial about our own.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 13, 2005 19:14:26 GMT -5
How did you lose them?
Or were you born without?
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 14, 2005 7:35:03 GMT -5
*GASP* Noses are TABOO. You just... don't have them.
I'm shocked you suggested it.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 15, 2005 12:04:21 GMT -5
... I sincerely apologize.
I join you in nose-denial.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 16, 2005 14:34:31 GMT -5
Yaaay! Soon everyone will realize that noses are just... not done.
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 16, 2005 16:28:27 GMT -5
LOL.
Such a good cause...
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 17, 2005 12:20:39 GMT -5
In hindsight, this story really is terrible. But I haven't changed anything, just so that you can see how crap I was back then... and how fangirlish... *shudder*
The four trackers ran across the plains of Rohan. Well, three of them did, anyway...
“Piggy back, piggy back, piggy back rock....” sang Frankie, clinging to Legolas’ back. “Hurry up dwarf boy!” said Legolas, “You’re falling behind AGAIN.”
“Yeah,” said Frankie.
“You weren’t exactly Road Runner yourself,” said Gimli.
“Well, you can just BEEP BEEP,” said Frankie.
“Frankie, watch your language!” said Aragorn, “It’s true, you were holding us up.”
“Well, I’m not anymore,” pouted Frankie, “Now Legolas is holding ME up. Hehehe.”
“Ooooh, bad pun,” winced Gimli.
Suddenly Legolas looked very solemn and pensive. Only Frankie could actually tell – having watched Legolas’ face many times in Lord of the Rings, she could interpret all his different nostril flares and the smallest of facial expressions.
“A red sun rises,” said Legolas solemnly and pensively, “Blood has been spilt this night.”
“Is that right?” said Gimli.
“He’s ALWAYS right,” said Frankie.
Aragorn sighed with despair.
“Betcha it’s those Uruk-hai,” said Gimli.
“PIPPY!!!” shrieked Frankie, “WAAAAAAAA! Oh yeah, and Alex... *sniff* Legolas, I need a hug...” She threw her arms round his neck.
“Frankie!” he gasped, “Can’t... breathe...”
“Oh, sorry,” said Frankie. Legolas took Frankie off his back so that his hair wasn’t ruined, and then obliged. Suddenly ahead they saw some horsemen a’coming.
“They’re proficient,” said Aragorn, obviously impressed.
“Efficient,” said Gimli.
“I’m omniscient,” said Legolas.
“Why, they’re Greased Lightning!!” said Frankie excitedly, and immediately went into some manic 70’s disco dancing, “I got chiiiiills... they’re multiplying… and I’m looooooosing control…..”
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli all glanced at each other, shaking their heads. The horsemen got closer. They then realized they were conveniently hidden behind a rock. Aragorn decided to go for a little wander, but then almost got trampled by a horse. All the horsemen stopped and stared at him. Aragorn realized he’d just made himself look like the biggest idiot since Sauron wearing his Ring out into battle.
“Um....” he said, shifting nervously under the stares of the Riders of Rohan, “um....” He glanced at Legolas, Gimli and Frankie. Gimli had buried his face in his beard, Legolas was shaking his head, but then started swishing his hair saying “L’oreal – because I’m worth it”, and Frankie was in fits of laughter.
“Um... Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?” he yelled. “Yes, that’s plausible,” he thought, “Now I just look insane, not an idiot.”
The Riders blinked. “He’s insane!” cried one of them, “Get him!”
“Uh-oh,” said Aragorn. The Riders encircled them with very little horsemanship – two riders were crushed in the process. After a surprising amount of time they were surrounded by the Riders, who were standing in a shape that reminded Frankie of a pineapple.
“What business does an insane dude, an elf, a dwarf and a GIRL have in the Riddermark?” asked the guy who seemed to be in charge.
“Um, excuse me, but what have you got against girls?” said Frankie, “You look like a girl, but that doesn’t seem to bother you.”
“OooooOOOOOooooh,” said the Riders. “You go girl!”
The dude glared. “I would cut off your head, GIRL, if it weren’t so – attractive... and cute...”
“OooooOOOOOooooh,” said the Riders. One of them wolf whistled.
“You would die before your stroke fell!” said Legolas pulling out his bow, elven daggers and Stinkapult 5000. His voice was filled with anger – from jealousy, Frankie hoped. The dude probably would have said some cutting, witty and articulate reply, but staring down the barrel of the Stinkapult changed his mind.
“Calm your raging hormones,” said Aragorn, pushing Legolas’ bow to one side.
“So who ARE you?” asked the dude.
“Give us your name, horsemaster,” said Gimli, “And I will give you mine.”
“I would cut off your head too, dwarf,” said the dude, “If it stood but a little higher from the ground.”
Everyone stood silently for a moment. Frankie glanced at Legolas. He shrugged. Aragorn prodded him. Legolas rolled his eyes. “Oh, fine, ‘you would die before your stroke fell’, are you happy now?” he sighed.
“Poor Legolas...” said Frankie, and gave him a hug.
“ENOUGH with the HUGS,” said Aragorn, “I’m Aragorn, son of Arathorn.”
“Didn’t ask for your family history, bub,” said the dude.
“... Look, do you want me to get the Stinkapult out?”
“Sorry.”
“Anyway... this is Gimli, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, and... alright, who are you?” Aragorn rounded on Frankie.
“Um....” said Frankie.
“Wow, small world,” said the dude, “My uncle, Theoden, can no longer recognize friend from foe either. Not even amongst his own kin.”
“What was that?” said Aragorn. So they started a’talking about Theoden and all that. Frankie amused herself by playing rock-paper-scissors with Legolas. Soon the talk swung round to why they were in the Riddermark.
“We’re tracking Uruks across the plain,” said Aragorn, “They’ve taken...” Aragorn glanced at Frankie, and counted on his fingers, “...one of our friends captive.”
“Found ‘em, killed ‘em, got the T-shirt,” said the dude, “We used them for kindling on the massive bonfire we made out of them.”
“Did you shee a hobbit?” said Gimli.
“Ewwww,” said Frankie, and wiped her face with his beard.
“We left none alive,” said the dude, the disgust at the dwarf’s lack of saliva control quite evident on his face.
“PIPPY!!!!!” wailed Frankie. Legolas reached out a hand to lean on Gimli, who was tying his shoelaces, and fell over sideways.
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” said the dude, “Here, you can borrow some horses. May they bear you to better fortunes than their previous riders.”
“Did they die in battle?” asked Frankie.
“No, they were trampled when we were circling you,” said the dude.
“Oh,” said Aragorn, “Sorry.”
“Yeah, sorry,” mumbled Legolas, Gimli and Frankie. All the Riders rode off into the distance. Then Frankie thought of something.
“Hey,” she said, “Did that guy actually ever say what his name was?”
“Ummm... no,” said Legolas.
“It’s Eomer,” said Aragorn.
“How did you know that?” said Gimli.
“Dunno,” said Aragorn, “We just somehow know.”
“Oh, OK,” they said.
“Well, let’s go,” said Frankie, “I’ll go on Legolas’ horse, Gimli can go on Aragorn’s.”
“Oh no, I ride alone,” said Aragorn, “Everyone else on the white horse.”
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 18, 2005 22:17:12 GMT -5
Hehe.
Everyone else on the white horse. *noddy* Gimli gets tied to the tail.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 20, 2005 3:48:56 GMT -5
Hmmm.... like a caravan.... my dad hates caravans....
*reads what has just typed* I shouldn't go online this early...
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 20, 2005 20:14:48 GMT -5
I have a mini-van... It's white!
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 22, 2005 6:20:11 GMT -5
OOOOOOOOOH. Prettyful.
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 22, 2005 6:20:58 GMT -5
“Well, lets see...” said Katie, looking at a map, “We’re... supposed to be here... but if we’re here, then that’s supposed to be there... but it’s not... so either we’re not there, or... that’s not there.... or neither of us are there....”
“I wish the Ring had never come to me,” moaned Frodo.
“I know,” said Katie through gritted teeth, “Don’t worry Frodo. By the looks of it, someone’s just been here, eating lembas, just like us... hey, look, they’ve got Betterware plastic cutlery too! Oh, and a Sugar – that’s good, I’ve lost my copy.”
“We’re going in circles!” cried Frodo, “I wish the Ring had never come to me!!!”
“Yeah, just a bit louder, Frodo,” said Katie, “I think there’s an orc in Barad-dur who didn’t quite catch that...”
“Oh, OK,” said Frodo, “I WISH THE RING HAD NEVER COME TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Owww...” said Katie, clutching her ears. She then sniffed, to show her disapproval with the decibel level, but soon wished she hadn’t. “Ewwwwww, what reeks? It smells like some big swamp, or my trainers after that team-building exercise. Can you smell it?”
“Yes,” said Frodo, over pronouncing each syllable, “I can sa-mell it. We’re not alone.”
“I’m NEVER alone,” said Katie, opening her palm to reveal an orange square, “I know the latest score. The future’s bright. The future’s orange.”
Frodo looked very confused. “I’d say the future was a bit on the Dark Side, Sam.”
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Post by Hobbit-eyes on Aug 22, 2005 6:24:22 GMT -5
Soon they arrived at the uruk-hai bonfire. After a quick game of rock-paper-scissors to decide who would search through it, Gimli started looking through it (he always used rock in rock-paper-scissors, as he thought it superior to anything, and the others knew it). He soon found something.
“It’s one of their belts,” said Gimli, “And a weird block. Abacus. Thing.”
“It’s Alex’s mobile!” gasped Frankie, “She must be dead! And PIPPY!! Waaa... Legolas, I need a huggums...”
Aragorn was really pissed off, and kicked a helmet. “AAAAAARGH Owie! I hurt my toesie!”
“You know, when I’m depressed, I just mutter in elvish,” said Legolas, “It’s much less painful.”
Suddenly Aragorn bent down and examined the ground. “A hobbit lay here,” he said, “They rolled over to get some... chestnut mushrooms... they crawled... their hands were bound, with... 3-ply silk ropes from C + H fabrics.... their bonds were cut, with a Grade 3 sharpness knife, in a 2 for 1 sale at Argos... they ran, at 5 miles an hour, increasing speed by 2.5% every thirty seconds... they were followed by an Uruk-hai, with blond hair and highlights-”
Frankie snorted. Aragorn glared. “Blond hair and highlights,” he repeated, “And grey eyes, about 5’6”, with a pet cockroach called Cheepy, whose favourite sort of music was Slipknot... Pippin dropped his belt, which the uruk had got hold of, and the other threw her – what’s it called, Frankie? – ‘mo-by-wall’ at it, and they ran straight... into Fangorn Forest.”
“That’s great!” said Legolas, “You can let go of me now, Frankie.”
“No I can’t,” said Frankie.
They stared into the forest. “Well, they’re boned,” said Aragorn, “Who’s up for pizza?”
“No!” said Frankie, “We’re not leaving them. Come on, let’s go.” She started to walk towards the forest.
“Nobody bosses a dwarf!” said Gimli.
“He’s right, Frankie,” said Aragorn, “We won’t be able to find them in there. They’re probably already dead.”
“I don’t think so,” said Frankie, “I went on a team building exercise with Alex. She can look after herself for a little while. We’re not leaving them!” said Frankie, and marched into the forest, still holding onto Legolas’ hair.
“Ow... ow... ow...” said Legolas, “OK, I’m coming!...”
“Nobody outbraves a dwarf!” said Gimli, and marched after them. Aragorn sighed and followed.
“There were two of them?” said Gimli as they walked through the trees.
“Maybe I got my calculations wrong,” said Aragorn, and started counting on his fingers again. “Frankie... plus Pippin... minus Frankie... maths never was my strong point...”
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Post by reasonably_crazy on Aug 22, 2005 21:01:17 GMT -5
He.... he he he....
PIPPIN ROXORS!
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