Rodge
Ranger
Plotting to take over the world, one Dairy Milk at a time...
Posts: 165
|
Post by Rodge on Dec 7, 2004 4:18:26 GMT -5
Oooooooooooh! I know! Let have a joke page!! Jokes can be as unfunny/unpolitically correct as people want!
But preferably some good ones...
To get us started... a few of my favourite music jokes
"What's the difference between alto clef and Greek?
Some conductors actually read Greek. "
"What's the difference between a seamstress and a soprano?
The seamstress tucks and frills. "
"What do you call a trombonist with a pager and a mobile?
An optimist. "
ok, your turn!
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 7, 2004 5:01:46 GMT -5
In one post, you've managed to insult one of your best friends AND your boyfriend (who is also one of your best friends). For this, I slap you *slap*
But YAY for jokeys!!
A frog went into a bank with the intention of taking out a loan. He was directed to a desk where a woman by the name of Mrs Whack was sitting. He noticed her name was Patty, and when he asked his name, he told her he was the son of Mick Jagger. She didn't really believe him, but continued nonetheless. She asked what he intended to use as collateral, and he produced a small porcelain elephant. She had no idea what to do, so she went to the bank manager to ask him about this strange form of collateral, and whether or not she should offer the frog a loan. The bank manager replied: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
|
|
|
|
Post by Hobbit-eyes on Dec 7, 2004 5:09:55 GMT -5
I like the jokes, but can we keep them clean? I'm looking at you, Alex and David, I've heard your jokes...
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 7, 2004 5:13:05 GMT -5
Hahaha, naughty naughty, Rodge and, and... DAMN I don't have a random name for David!
|
|
|
|
Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 7, 2004 20:47:48 GMT -5
Okay, this joke's really, really pathetic, but I adore it nonetheless.
A man walks into a bar. He asks, the bartender, "You got any grapes?"
The bartender says no, and the man leaves. But he come in the next day and once again asks the bartender, "You got any grapes?"
The bartender once again tells him no. "This is a bar, not a grocery store," he growls. The man shrugs his shoulders and leaves.
The next day, the man comes in again and asks the bartender, "You got any grapes?"
"NO!" The bartender roars. "And if you ask me again I'll take a hammer and put a nail right through your skull!"
The next day the man came in again. "You got any hammers?" He asked the bartender.
"No."
"Got any nails?"
"no."
"Got any grapes?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 8, 2004 6:44:27 GMT -5
HAHAHA, I love that one...
A piece of string walks into a bar, and asks for a drink, but the bartender replies "We don't serve pieces of string in this bar," so the string left.
The next day, the string twisted himself into a knot, and frayed his ends, and returned to the bar, asking for another drink. The bartender asked, "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I refused to serve yesterday?"
The string replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Not the best joke, but Rodge did say they could be unfunny!
|
|
|
|
Post by ImaBrandybuck on Dec 8, 2004 11:12:27 GMT -5
Okay... my turn!
So Hitler walks into a bar one day with his two German Shepherd dogs. He sits down in front of the bartender and says, "I killed six million Jews and two musicians." The bartender says, "Two musicians?" Hitler turns to his dogs and says, "See? I told you he wouldn't care."
It took a few minutes for me to get. Just think about it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 8, 2004 14:03:44 GMT -5
 I'm not entirely sure I get it, unless it's him not caring about all the Jews.... What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd be spinning in his gravy!" Hehehe, poor turkeys...
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 8, 2004 14:05:44 GMT -5
Hehehe, I know I only just posted, but someone sent me this random joke that I thought was kinda funny...
Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, dear!"
|
|
|
|
Post by ImaBrandybuck on Dec 8, 2004 14:09:53 GMT -5
Haha... yeah. Well, there were two funny parts about the joke I posted. The first is that the bartended immediately asked about the two musicians, and completely discarded the six million Jews. The second part is that Hitler was actually talking to his dog... yeaaah.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 8, 2004 14:15:05 GMT -5
WARNING - This joke does not contain any swear words, but I'm just being careful, so anyone of a sensitive nature may want to avoid it.
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a girl. They take her to a local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears strange noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers, "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"
It just made me crack up because hobbits are silly and short!
|
|
|
|
Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 9, 2004 0:18:27 GMT -5
I found this in someone's signature... It's great!
An Elf walked into a bar... The dwarf walked under it!
I'm sorry, it cracks me up every time.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paranoid Android on Dec 10, 2004 6:41:00 GMT -5
HAHAHA, dwarfs are funny too, cos they're short too!! Short things are funny...
|
|
|
|
Post by ImaBrandybuck on Dec 10, 2004 18:14:33 GMT -5
Not all short things are funny... for example:
EVIL LITTLE CHILDREN!!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by reasonably_crazy on Dec 10, 2004 23:23:13 GMT -5
No, you're wrong.... Evil Little children are VERY funny... As long as you're not their victim.
|
|
How True!
I'm not entirely sure I get it, unless it's him not caring about all the Jews....