HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 14, 2005 13:35:48 GMT -5
In a pinker, fuzzier, more disgusting, and alltogether different part of the Absurdly Long Acronym star, Ashley tapped her foot impatiently as the Sues argued with Stacey over her fake nose...while the Sneak was working ureasonably hard to pick the lock on an open door...
|
|
|
Post by Ashley on Jun 15, 2005 21:37:51 GMT -5
Another moderator tweaked entry...
Meanwhile, back on the Falcon, there was a rare period of UN-shocked silence.
Which was, as usual, broken by Frankie.
"When are we getting Anakin back?"
Also at that moment, Boo jumped out of another part of the ship and took incriminating photos.
"KILL KILL KILL," Oni chanted, and for once he wasn't referring to the Sues.
"And once again, don't take it personal when we use you as a diversion," Frankie said.
|
|
|
Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jun 16, 2005 7:50:13 GMT -5
"No, we don't use him as a distraction STRAIGHT away," said Katie hurriedly as Oni glared at Frankie with such ferocity it actually singed her forehead slightly, "He's our Plan B. Actually, he's our Plan C."
"What's Plan B then?"
"Smile sweetly, try to get them to let us go, and then failing that, run like hell."
"Oooh, good plan."
And so, armed to the teeth and beyond, after checking that the Sues were still 'occupied' by Anakin (they were - Katie doubted that they'd lose interest in taking turns to glomp Anakin within the next few millennia), they crept out the back door of the Millennium Falcon, and hurried away quietly into the corridors.
|
|
HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 16, 2005 8:44:25 GMT -5
Ashley got impatient (more so than she already was) and decided to try and let the Sneak know the door was open. She tried whispering to her, but the Sneak didn't hear. She tried throwing her a note, but she missed that too. The Sneak paid no mind when Ashley did a complete comic act, including several whispered songs and slipping on several grapefruit (the Sues didn't have bananas) peels. Finally, Ashley decided to take drastic measures. "Look, a cute little bunny!" "Where?" asked Sue 56. She loved bunnys. "It just went through that door!" she said, pointing to the door the Sneak was trying to open. Sue 56 opened the door and ran out into the hall. Realization dawned on the Sneak's face. "I don't see any bunny," said Sue 56. By that time, Ashley and the Sneak were long gone.
Meanwhile, Stacey was stuck in the middle of a sea of Sues with no fake nose. And she had left her blaster on the ship. "Soooooo, 'Mr. Luxury Yacht..." said Sue One deviously. Stacey gave a gruff cough and said in a falsetto,
"Throat Warbler Mangrove."
|
|
|
Post by Oni on Jun 18, 2005 4:14:00 GMT -5
(I leave this thread for a week, come back and you've turned me into a lust object. Why?)
'Remind me,' growled Oni. 'What are we doing here? I assume it's to rescue the Silly Twins who got kidnapped, but does that mean there's no time for explosions?'
'Yes. Until we've got them out, of course.'
'Great. Dressed up like...like...curses, who's the ponce all the girls seem to like...'
Frankieeeeeeeee turned back to the others. 'Let's leave him to babble for a bit. How are we supposed to go about this?'
'With this,' returned Alex, waving a little blue sparkly box under her chin. 'Got this from the crew of Timesplitters - it's a Temporal Uplink. All we need to get a location is some of her DNA. Anyone?'
'Nope'
'Sorry'
'No'
'Curses...'
'Nada'
'Damnation. So, in reality,' put in Katie 'it's useless.'
'...yes.'
'JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, THAT'S IT!'
'Aha! I have a plan.' shouted Boo, following up with the words no-one wants to hear - 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'
'I try not to. But elaborate.'
With a truly demonic smile, Boo beckoned the girls in for a huddle. Soon, demonic smiles reigned over the LAND OF SMILES~! Oni, having finally stopped cursing, saw the smiles, and began to panic.
For good reason, as he was soon out in the open with a sign around his neck saying 'SUE BAIT!'
|
|
HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 18, 2005 8:35:38 GMT -5
"hey, look!" said Sue 94, "A lust object!" "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!" cheered the other Sues.
|
|
Nfinity
Ent
Nothing makes sense, when you're easily bewildered.
Posts: 588
|
Post by Nfinity on Jun 18, 2005 21:13:56 GMT -5
"Oh, crudmuffins," Stacey muttered under her breath as the Sues began to close in. Mentally she was giving herself the mantra Ashley taught her in times like this: "Thinking requires concentration, concentration requires thought, thought requires a brain....I must improvise." As Stacey's back hit the wall, she looked around in a panic, trying to find some manner of escape.
At that moment, Oni (looking extremely odd as a Lust Object) ran through from the entrance to the SALAS (Acronym for the Sue Absurdly Long Acronym Star) with a sign around his neck and one taped to his back both reading, rather inconspicously: SUE BAIT. He was followed by a horde of Sues screaming of different ways to glomp, snog and *censored* him. The Sues closing in on Stacey simultaneously turned to look and Stacey took the opportunity and fled.
As she ran, though no one could hear her, she muttered, "I kinda got attached to that nose... I miss it."
|
|
HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 18, 2005 21:45:25 GMT -5
Meanwhile, Doris was calculating the probability of Justin Timerlake appearing on the Millenium Falcon. "One question, Katie." "Yes, Frankie?" "Why do you need Justin Timberlake?" "No real reason. Just thought it made me sound like I knew what I was doing." "Ah." "You know," said Jackie, "I'm in the mood for tea..." "NO!!" shouted Katie and Frankie. Jackie looked at them, befuzzled. "hmm?" " haven't you read The Resturaunt at the End of the Universe?" Asked Katie. "No..." "Oh." said Frankie and Katie at the same time. "What?" "You can't make tea while we're under attack! We just had a new-and-slightly-improved Sirius Cybernetics drink machine...." "Well, what can it make?" "mmm...sludge." "Oh. Well, we need to go somewhere and get tea." "Righto!" came Doris's voice. She was in a happy mood again. "Huh?'' said Jackie, looking up. "Tea it is!" And with that, the ship took off.
|
|
|
Post by reasonably_crazy on Jun 18, 2005 22:43:24 GMT -5
CRUDmuffins. For some reason, I read to the end of page 3, and then updated without reading page four. I spent far too long on this.... and now it's useless. After the REAL last post, it makes no sense.
((And I have TOO read Restaurant at the End of the Universe... *sulk*))
I can't .... bring myself... to delete it....
*tries to anyway*
*fails*
*obscenities*
Fear not, Katie has come with her moderator powers and inserted your bit into the main storyline... apologies to all involved. And it may make a leetle less sense now, but when did this story EVER make sense?
|
|
|
Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jun 19, 2005 6:23:28 GMT -5
The Millennium Falcon cruised through space, most of the crew satisfied that they would soon be finding tea...
Katie however, who didn't particularly like tea, suddenly remembered something.
"Hey! Weren't we on that ship to hijack it, save the lust objects the SueTroopers were after, and Ashley, Stacey and the Sneak at the same time?"
"Something like that," said Frankie vaguely.
"Aren't we going to DO that?"
"Eh..."
"Considering we just left Oni and Anakin to a terrible fate?"
"ANNIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Frankie, "Turnroundturnroundturnround!!!"
"Do this, do that..." sighed Doris, "I assume you want to get back to the SALAS?"
"Yes please," said everyone.
The Millennium Falcon screeched to a halt. It then promptly reversed towards the SALAS.
"Using the Improbability Drive!" shouted Jackie.
"Oh right... I forget minor details..."
The ship promptly vanished.
And reappeared on the main commanding bridge of the SALAS.
"Ohh, crikey bikey."
|
|
HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 19, 2005 16:53:45 GMT -5
In the Brain room (where Doris's brain was) Doris (of course) was thinking. Here is a synopsis of what she thought... " It's so depressing how they're always ordering me around...["they", of course, are the wofflepuds...Doris had previously done a personality analysis of each wofflepud, which is irrelevent to the story, so will be posted in a very obscure part of the chat room...]....They don't even like me...maybe if they liked me more they'd treat me better...I'll show them! How could I make them like me? I know....Tea! I'll make them some tea!"
|
|
Tiki
Ranger
I'd call you a genius, except I'm in the room.
Posts: 245
|
Post by Tiki on Jun 19, 2005 20:04:00 GMT -5
Ashley and the Sneak ran.
And ran.
And then ran some more. Ashley decided this was getting repetitive, therefore she lunged at the Sneak's legs, bringing her down.
"What was that for?" the Sneak yelled back at Ashley. "We're trying to get away, if you haven't noticed!"
"Yes," replied Ashley, "but we're also running in circles! If you haven't noticed, we're back at the open door that you had tried to open before!"
"Who's saying that I never opened it anyway?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" The Sneak only shrugged, then ran through the open door again. Ashley reluctantly followed. "I thought you used to work here! Why can't you find your way around? And we need to get Stacey back before--"
"Actually, it's Raymond Luxury Yacht--"
"Pronounced--"
"Yes, I know! I had to say it a thousand times!"
They continued running. And ran into a Sue who just happened to be on duty. "Identification," she said lazily. The Sneak regrettably pulled out her Sue Card. The Sue glanced at it and said, "You can go into the armory now."
The Sneak and Ashley slipped past very quietly. "The armory?" Ashley sounded impressed. "Since when did Sues have an--" here she actually looked at the arms stored inside the armory and gasped. "How the--"
"When I worked here, not only was I a Sue, but I was in charge of the weapons. And I happen to be very informed about weapons."
The Sneak...er...sneaked past a bunch of swords and came upon a keypad that was covered in dust. She quickly typed in three numbers:
1 1 3 8
A door that Ashley hadn't noticed before opened up and the Sneak went inside. Ashley decided to take a look around instead and found a rack of various guns. "I wonder..." She browsed through all of the revolvers until--
"Ah ha!" She picked up a gun with the inscription "The Gospel According to Luke" written on the handle. "I'm in love!" She kissed the gun and proceeded to look around for ammunition.
"I see you've found your weapon of choice." Ashley turned around and saw that the Sneak had changed clothes. She now had on a leather trenchcoat and a hat reminiscent of Van Helsing's. "Now, for mine."
She walked around while Ashley found some ammo and took extra boxes of it, just in case. The Sneak came back bedecked with lots of weapons.
"I thought you would only get one thing?" Ashley said.
"No harm in coming prepared. See, if I lose this here sword, I can just replace it with this here lightsaber, then if I lose that, I can make a comeback with my nice longbow, then if by some bad stroke of luck--"
"Alright, I get your point, let's just get out of here." Ashley went for the door, while randomly picking up a sword. The Sneak gave her a questioning look. "Hey, just in case. And I may happen to hold on to my weapons much better than you."
The two of them walked back out into the corridors and continued running, hoping to run into Mr. Yacht.
"Throat Warbler Mangrove!" yelled Ashley and the Sneak to the narrator.
|
|
|
Post by reasonably_crazy on Jun 19, 2005 21:28:05 GMT -5
Oni tried to run.
And tried to run.
And then tried to run some more. He found this very repetetive, but he found he REALLY didn't care. Anything, ANYTHING, to be free of these... these... inhuman creatures. Unfortunately, he wasn't getting free any time soon.
He was completely surrounded. The silky hair caressed him, the pouty lips sought him, the finely manicured nails raked at him.
"Get off me!" he commanded. "Get off or so help me I'll slay you all!" he glared darkly at them.
"Look at his smouldering glare," one Sue swooned.
"And that manly scar," another breathed.
"He's so ROGUEISH," a third exclaimed, and threw herself on him.
"HEY HEY HEY!" Oni burst, pushing her off him only to have another crawl on. "This is reserved for Padme/Natalie Portman and Padme/Natalie Portman ONLY. Get your slimy little paws OFF me!"
They all giggled. "Angst is so HOT!" one of the sues sighed, and all the others eagerly agreed.
Oni burst into a cold sweat. Nothing he could do would deter them. The Sue that happened to be right in front of him reached out a dainty hand to caress his face. Revolted, Oni pulled away only to thrust himself into another mob of screaming Sues. The hand came closer, closer, and rubbed his cheek.
And his scar... smeared.
There was a gasp among the Sues, then silence. Oni somehow found this immensely more disturbing than their giggling and screaming, something he never thought would occur. He found himself reaching for his weapon for the millionth time, even though he knew he didn't have it.
The Sue that had touched him pushed all the other Sues aside so she could stand before Oni with a little elbow room. She stuck her thumb to her perfect lips and licked it, then extended it out again towards his face. Oni leaned away from her, farther into the Sues behind him, but was no closer to freedom than before.
Her thumb reached his face, and she rubbed. Hard.
"Ouch!" Protested Oni, trying to twist away (and failing.)
His makeup melted away.
The Sues gasped in unison.
"This isn't a lust object!" The Sue screeched, pointing dramatically. "We've been had!"
The Sues reeled, shocked.
"Ew! I TOUCHED him!" one voice wailed.
"What should we do with him?" another Sue asked. Oni suddenly realized he was standing on his own; none of the Sues could bear to be close to him anymore.
"Let's kill him!"
|
|
|
Post by Hobbit-eyes on Jun 20, 2005 2:40:17 GMT -5
Meanwhile, on the main bridge...
The Sues stared in shock at the Millennium Falcon which had just appeared in their midst.
"Crikey bikey," repeated Jackie.
"DORIS!" yelled Katie.
"What? You didn't specify where you wanted to go..."
"GET US SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
There was a silence. "Can't do that, sorry."
"WHAT?"
"I'm making tea."
"YAAAAY!" cheered Frankie.
"No, Frankie... that's BAD," said Boo.
"Whyyyyyy?"
"Because it means she can't use the Improbability Drive."
"Whyyyyyy?"
"Because her systems are overrun. So we're doomed."
"Whyyyyyyy?"
"Because the Sues will come and tear us apart!"
"Whyyyyyyy?"
"Because we don't have another lust object-"
"Yes you do," interrupted Doris.
(CONTINUED AFTER EXAM)
|
|
HappyPie
Ranger
One's never alone with a rubber duck.
Posts: 127
|
Post by HappyPie on Jun 21, 2005 11:17:20 GMT -5
Meanwhile, in India.... The tea merchant cheered in his lavoratory. He had just created the perfect tea!!! He put it in his xerox machine to copy and massmarket it, when it suddenly disappeared, teabag and all. Doris knew this was a good move on her part, because all she had to do was photocopy some of her printer paper and she could get Ashley to shut up at any given moment...
|
|